It is a normal thing for children to need attention and approval. However, this attention-seeking becomes a problem when it happens all the time. By trial and error, growing children figure out what makes adults continue to give them attention and what drives them away. As a result, even charming attention-seeking can become manipulating. Many children make mountain out of a mole to get your compassion. Excessive attention-seeking results into circumstances where your child commands your time and in really intense situations, your life.
What is the easiest way to capture your attention-sitting quietly or misbehaving? When children do not receive attention in a positive way, they will get your attention any way they can. Many children resort to misbehaviour to get attention. The most notorious reason for misbehaviour in young children, this can germinate into discipline problems in later childhood and adolescence.
In such cases, it is important to eliminate not your child's need for attention and approval but the attention-seeking behaviour. However, there are some instances when children who are attention-seeking have a legitimate need, it is important to teach them how to get it in a legitimate way.
When handled correctly, your child's need for attention can be a helpful tool for improving your child's behaviour.
Here are a couple of things which you can do to remedy your child’s attentions seeking behaviour:
* Catch them being goodGive attention for appropriate behaviour. Look for opportunities to make a positive comment, to pat a child on the shoulder, to share an activity, and to have a conversation for reinforcing the good behaviour. Fill up the attention hole with good stuff as many times a day as you can.
* Ignore the misbehaviour, not the childWhen the child misbehaves, try not to give a negative reaction. Resist the temptation to lecture, nag, scold, yell, or punish, instead choose to send them to a timeout. The less talking about the misbehaviour, the better. Post the timeout, give them the reassurance that you know they can behave now. Then find a way to engage with them positively for at least a few minutes before moving on.The same principle holds for older kids. If they won’t take a timeout, you can. Withdraw, take a breath, and make a rational decision about appropriate consequences.
* Be consistentThe only way children know you mean what you say is when you are being consistent with your stand.
* RepeatRepeat until the child gets it. Repeat whenever misbehaviour is more than a momentary lapse. Repeat more than you think should be necessary. Do it until it becomes a pattern of interaction in your family’s life.
By endowing your children with love and attention and by consistently redirecting negative behaviours, we can help our children learn how to get and give the positive attention.When the adults react with interest, affection and approval, the children strive to please, to copy the big people, to grow in their social and practical skills, and to find a positive place in their family. Understanding and practicing positive attention is fundamental to healthy relationships.