Rebuilding the ability to trust can be one of the most challenging endeavors you'll ever undertake. When you've experienced some form of betrayal, the process of restoring trust is a daunting task, regardless of how deeply you care for the person involved. There's an underlying fear that someone might shatter your trust once more.
If you've recently been hurt, it might feel as if something invaluable has been stolen from you. In reality, what's been taken away is your innocence and your unwavering belief in love.
Dealing with a broken heart offers two distinct paths. Regardless of the root cause, you can either protect it like a fragile item by wrapping it up tightly to shield it from further harm, similar to how you would treat a broken toe. Alternatively, you can aid your heart in its healing process by examining the experience objectively, recognizing it for what it was, and mentally committing to proceed with caution in the future, ensuring that trust is earned.
# Acknowledge that you are still alive and well.Few things are as emotionally damaging as placing trust in someone who ultimately disappoints. Nevertheless, it's essential to take a moment to recognize that, despite the hardships of dealing with betrayal, deception, or slander, you are still very much alive and functioning. The old adage, What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, holds true. Before concluding that you'll never trust another person, remember that there is a vast amount of life and potential ahead of you. So, the key to learning how to trust again lies in acknowledging your resilience and the time you still have to place trust in someone else.
# Moving forward is the most effective form of retaliation.In the aftermath of a breach of trust, you may find yourself contemplating ways to get even with the person who betrayed you. It's common to contemplate how to make them feel the way you did. The desire to enter their mindset and inflict the same pain upon them is a natural response. However, the most powerful form of retaliation is to move on and find happiness. Seeking revenge, we can assure you, will only leave you feeling worse than you did initially. It won't change the facts; it will only cultivate more anger and resentment, which is not healthy. Even if someone has rejected you, cheated on you, or committed a grave offense, demonstrating that you are stronger than you appear, possess greater integrity than they do, and that you will be better off without them is the best way to discover the inner strength to move forward and trust again.
# Exercise caution in giving yourself too freely next time.When we are naive, we become susceptible to betrayal. Use this experience as a lesson and exercise greater discernment in your future interactions. This doesn't mean you should close yourself off completely; that's not the suggestion. Rather, to learn how to trust again, avoid giving your entire self to the next person immediately. When someone mistreats us, we often want to believe that we were entirely powerless in the situation. Blaming someone else rather than ourselves absolves us of any culpability or responsibility for our own pain. Chances are, your intuition had been warning you that something was amiss long before you discovered their actions that breached your trust. When you do find someone to love again, ensure that they are deserving of your trust. Never disregard red flags, even if your gut feeling indicates that something is awry.
# Reflect on the benefits of trust.You have entrusted many people in your life. Do not allow one person's actions to dictate how you navigate the rest of your life. Even in the face of a negative experience, using that one incident to forecast all future occurrences negates the love and support you receive from others in your life. Everyone, without exception, will experience hurt at some point in their lives. Do not let one unfortunate relationship overshadow the beautiful ones you have encountered or will encounter. Your past does not dictate your present, regardless of the circumstances. However, it will define you if you continue to cling to that experience.
# Stop blaming yourself.This is a critical point. If you wish to reestablish trust, self-blame is counterproductive. You won't make any progress by shouldering the blame. If you believe that you are a good person and that you can find someone who will reciprocate your love, you will be open to experiencing love once more. Conversely, if you believe that you played a part in your own suffering, you will fear a repeat occurrence. You didn't do anything to deserve the pain you endured, and by opening your heart to someone more deserving, you reduce the likelihood of a recurrence. Continuing to blame yourself and believing that everything was entirely your fault will impede your ability to learn to trust again.
# Accept that change is natural.Sometimes, we wish the world would stand still for a moment. What is good today may turn sour tomorrow. The comforting news is that the pain you're currently experiencing will diminish in a matter of days and improve over time. It's impossible to go back in time to prevent what happened, halt the unfolding of events, or preserve the goodness in a state of stasis. We transition from one relationship to another throughout our lives, and that is not a negative thing. At times, you need to let go and understand that change, both positive and negative, is a part of life. Change might seem intimidating, but it is a natural aspect of life, and often, it is necessary for learning how to trust again.
# Be honest about your past experiences.When you decide to love again, the best approach to entering a new relationship is to be transparent about your past. This doesn't have to be a first-date topic, but as things progress and become more intimate, it's advisable to communicate your previous experiences. If you don't provide your new partner with an understanding of where you're coming from, they may misinterpret your apprehension or interpret your guardedness as a reflection on them. While you don't need to disclose everything right away, you will have to share your history at some point. It can be a daunting part of a new relationship, but it's crucial for building a connection with someone. Remember that your new relationship is distinct from your old one, so don't hold your past against your new partner. By taking things slowly and being open and honest about your past wounds, and if your partner is willing to take it one step at a time, you can rebuild trust together.
# Consider the bigger picture.At times, it may be challenging to see, but there is always a broader perspective. Reflect on why someone was able to hurt you. Falling in love with someone or giving your heart entirely to another person is part of our human experience. However, if you choose to isolate yourself from the world and refrain from trusting anyone with your life and heart, you will be forfeiting the opportunity to experience love and the connections that are possible with others. Love and relationships involve taking a leap of faith. If you never take that leap, you won't progress.