It's often difficult to distinguish between being selfish and being giving in a relationship. After all, selfishness is more a matter of perspective than an absolute fact. How can you identify if you're being selfish, and how do you differentiate that from simply setting boundaries?
During a conversation with your partner, do you ever find yourself thinking you could compromise but choose not to, simply because you fear it might make you seem weak?
Do you worry that if you consistently give in, your partner might not take you seriously or might walk all over you, even if compromising wouldn't really impact you?
You've likely heard this before, but there's no place for selfishness in a healthy relationship. If you're questioning whether you're being selfish, this feature will help you discover the answer.
Selfishness is a trait that can be detrimental, so understanding whether you have selfish tendencies is key to self-improvement and becoming a better partner.
When selfishness creeps into a relationship, it can affect everything. If you're truly committed to making your relationship work, it's crucial to be aware of any selfish behaviors. While miscommunication is often the primary cause of relationship issues, selfishness closely follows.
That's why it's so important to ask yourself, Am I being selfish? By recognizing your selfish tendencies, you can work on becoming a better partner. When there's a balance of giving and receiving in a relationship, no one feels neglected or taken for granted.
It's no exaggeration to say that understanding whether you're being selfish is crucial. You might already be exhibiting selfish behaviors without even realizing it.
# LazinessDo you often feel enthusiastic about activities you enjoy but quickly lose interest or become restless when it's something your partner wants to do that doesn't particularly excite you? This could be as simple as a chore or shopping together. If you only get excited about your own interests and don't care about sharing in your partner's happiness from what they enjoy, it’s a clear indication of selfishness.
When your partner consistently accommodates your preferences, but you rarely reciprocate, it's a sign you're being selfish. To maintain a healthy relationship, both partners need to actively participate in each other’s interests.
# Your Partner Usually Gives InDo you usually get your way during discussions about what to do or where to go, even if it means leaving your partner feeling sad or less happy? Your partner may consistently give in out of love and a desire to see you happy. However, if this continues, they might start feeling that their own needs and desires are being overlooked.
A relationship should involve give and take. If your partner is the one always giving, this imbalance can eventually lead to feelings of neglect. Don’t wait for that moment to arrive; consider whether you’re being selfish by always getting your way.
# You Think Your Partner is NaggingDoes it seem like your partner frequently repeats the same requests, like “Can you pick up the towel?” or “Did you forget that…?”? While it might be annoying to hear these reminders, consider that your partner isn’t trying to bother you—they're doing it because they feel you’re not listening.
In happy relationships, there’s no need for nagging because both partners work to keep each other happy, even if it means going out of their way sometimes. Before assuming your partner is nagging, reflect on whether you’re doing your part to meet them halfway.
# You Believe Your Life Is More ImportantIf you’re wondering whether you’re being selfish, consider this: Do you think your job or paycheck makes your opinions more important in the relationship? If you believe that you deserve preferential treatment because of your role or income, that’s a sign of conceit and selfishness.
A relationship should be a partnership where no one is above the other, regardless of individual success or financial contributions. This kind of inequality is a clear indicator of selfish behavior.
# You See Your Partner as Flawed
Do you focus on your partner’s flaws and expect them to change because you think they’re not good enough for you? Even if you share the same flaws, do you believe they’re less significant in your case?
For example, you might want your partner to lose weight because you find them less attractive, while you might not feel the need to make any changes yourself. This double standard is unfair and highlights selfishness. If you want to be a better partner, accept both your partner's flaws and your own.
# You Always Want Things Your WayDo you insist on doing things your way or visiting places you prefer, even if your partner wants to do something different? If you sulk or become passive-aggressive when things don’t go your way, and then immediately cheer up when they give in, it’s a sign of selfishness.
When did your needs become more important than your partner’s? This kind of behavior may make your partner feel like a spoilt brat, even if they don’t say it out loud. A healthy relationship requires compromise and mutual respect.
# Your Ego Is a Sign of SelfishnessDo you see losing an argument as a sign of weakness? If you always want to win and never apologize first because you feel it puts you above your partner, that’s a clear sign of selfishness.
A thriving relationship leaves no room for ego. If you find yourself needing to win every argument or always be in control, it’s time to assess why and work on letting go of that need.
# You Struggle to Trust Your PartnerYou love your partner, but you find it hard to trust them completely because you believe you’re the only one who can truly ensure your own happiness. Even if you’re with a great partner, you prioritize your own needs first because you assume that’s what they would do too.
This lack of trust speaks volumes about your selfishness. Without trust, you’ll always keep your partner at a distance, which can ultimately harm your relationship.
# You Find It Hard to Be UnselfishYou may try to prioritize your partner’s needs or be kind and loving, but you can’t seem to fully commit to it. You’re always looking for ways to benefit yourself, whether it’s getting the better piece of chicken or planning the vacation itinerary to your liking. You constantly need to feel above your partner.
Even when you make small selfless gestures, you do it in such an obvious way that your partner can’t help but notice how “selfless” you are. This is a clear sign of selfishness, and if you continue to put yourself first all the time, there may come a day when your partner has had enough.