8 Signs You are Capable of Loving Selflessly

I have struggled with love my entire life. Sometimes it feels like loving someone is selfish, and other times it feels selfless. The challenge is that you can switch between selfish and selfless love in the blink of an eye. It can feel selfish to want love, while at other times, it seems like you're the only one being selfless in love. If that sounds confusing, it’s because it is.

I define selfless love as being committed for the long haul. Whether it hurts, is painful, or offers you nothing in return, selfless love means making decisions based on what is best for the one you love, not what you want.

Having children is a particularly challenging form of selfless love. From the moment you hold your baby, you're required to love selflessly and are constantly tested. When it comes to people who aren’t related or dependent on you, selfless love becomes even more difficult and confusing.

# You care more about someone else's wellbeing than your own

Selfless love often involves prioritizing their well-being over your own. This might mean doing something that isn't self-motivating simply because you know they need your help.

Learning to prioritize others' needs over your own is never easy. However, to find true love, you sometimes have to put your own needs on the back burner.

# You’re willing to walk away for their benefit

Selfless love doesn’t mean staying no matter what. Sometimes, loving someone means you have to walk away to be truly selfless.

If staying only worsens the situation or fosters co-dependence, selflessness requires ending the toxic relationship. Knowing when to walk away allows them to mature, heal, and become independent.

# You don’t ask someone to stay in the relationship if it’s not what they want

Like a boomerang, sometimes you have to set things free and see if they come back. It’s easy to guilt-trip someone into staying or make them dependent on you to avoid losing them.

But selfless love sometimes means letting someone go and making it okay for them to move on if the relationship isn’t the best thing for either of you.

# You put your own ambition aside

In a relationship, you have both individual and shared goals. There will be times when you might have to sacrifice your own ambitions to let your partner shine. Being selfless means taking a back seat at times so your partner can achieve their dreams and full potential.

There will be times in the future when you can focus on your path. Being selfless means holding down the fort so your partner can go storm the castle.

# You’re happy to compromise

Selflessness doesn’t always mean giving everything up or always giving in. Sometimes, being selfless in a relationship is more about learning to compromise and working together to ensure both of you get what you need.

Selflessness doesn’t have to come at the expense of your own wants, desires, and needs, but rather involves finding a balance between what you and your partner want.

# You have heavy shoulders

Being selfless means putting yourself aside, and if someone needs you to have heavy shoulders, you have them. Not being defensive or taking things personally, selfless love means empathizing with what your loved one is going through and putting your own feelings aside to be strong when they can’t be.

# You don’t judge

Judging is one of the worst human traits we possess. Being selfless in love means not judging someone’s actions. This doesn’t mean you don’t confront them when they’re hurting themselves, nor does it mean you allow bad behavior to continue.

It means you don’t judge why someone is behaving the way they are; you just help alter the behaviors that hurt them in a non-judgmental way.

# You listen and don’t make assumptions

Practicing selfless love means taking the time to listen instead of making assumptions about why someone is behaving a certain way.

Listening to someone you love, even when you don’t want to hear it, can be very difficult. Listening without judgment is the only way to provide selfless love.