17 Big Signs You are Not Attracted To Your Partner

We get it—those butterflies can sometimes take a break. Maybe cuddling feels more like sharing the couch with a roommate than a romantic moment.

But don’t worry, this isn’t necessarily the end of the road for your relationship. It’s perfectly normal for attraction to shift over time.

Recognizing the signs that you’re not as sexually attracted to your partner—or that the spark has dimmed—can help you understand what’s happening in your relationship. This shift might stem from a variety of reasons, and acknowledging it is the first step toward finding clarity and deciding what’s next.
Disclaimer

This article is for informational purposes only and not a replacement for professional advice. If you’re concerned about your relationship or attraction to your partner, consider reaching out to a licensed counselor or couples therapist.

When you first started dating, just seeing your partner could give you butterflies. You couldn’t keep your hands off each other, and even mundane tasks like grocery shopping felt like an adventure.

Now, a few years down the line, you might find yourself more excited about picking the perfect avocado than sharing a spontaneous kiss in the produce aisle.

Is this normal?

Absolutely.

Relationships evolve, and so do feelings of attraction. At the start, everything feels new and thrilling. The rush of infatuation, often fueled by novelty and mystery, keeps the chemistry alive.

As time passes, comfort and familiarity can take the place of that initial intensity. It’s similar to starting a new hobby—whether it’s learning guitar or trying your hand at baking, the early excitement can be all-consuming. Over time, that thrill might mellow, but the joy is still there in a different form.

The same can happen in relationships. But here’s the good news: the spark isn’t gone forever. It’s about finding fresh ways to reignite it. That might mean planning surprise dates, trying new activities together, or having open conversations about your needs and desires.

So, if your relationship feels more like a friendship right now, don’t stress. It’s a common stage in many long-term partnerships. With effort and creativity, you can rekindle the excitement and strengthen your bond.

After all, those butterflies might just be on a short vacation.

# Avoiding Physical Intimacy

If you frequently steer clear of physical contact—be it avoiding kisses, hugs, or even cuddling in bed—it’s a sign you’re losing sexual attraction. You might find yourself using excuses like being too tired or busy to avoid closeness.

Why this happens: Stress, unresolved conflicts, or emotional distance can create a barrier to physical intimacy.
How to address it: Try saying, “I’ve noticed we’re not as physically close as before. Can we talk about what might be causing this?”

# Feeling Indifferent to Their Touch

If your partner’s touch no longer elicits any reaction or even feels slightly irritating, it signals a disconnect. You may feel uninterested or numb to their physical advances.

Why this happens: Emotional issues or unresolved conflicts often lead to physical disinterest.
How to address it: Open the dialogue with, “I’ve been feeling disconnected, and it’s affecting our physical closeness. Can we discuss this?”

# Fantasizing About Others

Imagining intimacy with someone other than your partner is a clear sign that your sexual attraction may be waning. These daydreams could reflect unmet needs in your relationship.

Why this happens: Dissatisfaction or unfulfilled desires within the relationship can lead to wandering thoughts.
How to address it: Start with, “Sometimes I find my mind wandering to others. Can we talk about our intimacy?”

# Making Excuses to Avoid Sex

Constantly finding reasons to avoid sex—like claiming stress or fatigue—can indicate a diminished sexual attraction. You may even feel relieved to dodge intimate moments.

Why this happens: Avoiding intimacy often stems from unresolved relationship issues or discomfort about addressing the underlying problems.
How to address it: Acknowledge it by saying, “I’ve been avoiding intimacy because I feel something is off between us. Let’s talk about what’s going on.”

# Lack of Arousal

When you no longer feel sexually excited by your partner, intimacy can start feeling more like an obligation than a pleasure.

Why this happens: Familiarity and routine can dull the spark over time if efforts aren’t made to reignite it.
How to address it: Say, “I’ve noticed a decrease in my sexual desire. Can we explore ways to bring it back?”

# Preferring Solo Activities

If you consistently choose hobbies, work, or alone time over intimate moments with your partner, it could indicate waning attraction.

Why this happens: Stress or dissatisfaction in the relationship can make solo activities feel like an escape.
How to address it: Suggest, “I’ve been spending a lot of time alone lately. Can we find ways to reconnect?”

# Relief When They Don’t Initiate

Feeling relieved when your partner doesn’t initiate intimacy may signal discomfort or avoidance of physical closeness.

Why this happens: This often reflects underlying issues or pressure to engage in intimacy you’re not comfortable with.
How to address it: Bring it up with, “I sometimes feel relieved when we don’t have sex. I think we should explore why.”

# Focusing on Their Flaws

If you find yourself overly critical of your partner’s flaws—especially during intimate moments—it may point to a deeper emotional disconnect.

Why this happens: Emotional distance can amplify minor imperfections.
How to address it: Be honest and say, “I’ve been critical lately, and I think it’s impacting our intimacy. Can we talk about this?”

# Increased Interest in Others

If you’re more drawn to other people than your partner, it’s a strong indicator of diminished attraction.

Why this happens: Unmet needs or a lack of excitement in the relationship can make others seem more appealing.
How to address it: Say, “I’ve been feeling more interested in others. How can we work on reigniting our spark?”

# Avoiding Alone Time

Avoiding one-on-one moments with your partner—preferring group activities or time apart—can signal discomfort with intimacy.

Why this happens: Fear of confronting issues or acknowledging emotional distance can lead to avoidance.
How to address it: Open the discussion with, “I’ve been avoiding alone time because I feel we need to address some things.”

# No Longer Initiating Intimacy

If you’ve stopped taking the initiative for physical or emotional closeness, it may indicate uncertainty or discomfort in your connection.

Why this happens: Emotional disconnection or unresolved conflicts can hinder intimacy.
How to address it: Acknowledge, “I’ve noticed I haven’t been initiating intimacy. Can we talk about why that is?”

# Feeling Like Roommates

When your relationship feels more like a friendship than a romantic partnership, it’s a sign of a missing spark.

Why this happens: Routine and daily responsibilities can overshadow passion and excitement.
How to address it: Suggest, “I feel like we’re more like roommates lately. How can we bring back the closeness?”

# Fewer Sexual Thoughts About Them

If your fantasies rarely involve your partner, it’s a sign of emotional or physical disinterest.

Why this happens: Emotional distance or unmet needs can weaken the sexual bond.
How to address it: Open the conversation with, “I’ve been having fewer sexual thoughts about you. Can we talk about why this might be happening?”

# Boredom During Intimacy

Feeling disengaged or uninspired during intimate moments may indicate a lack of excitement in your connection.

Why this happens: Monotony and unresolved issues can make intimacy feel lackluster.
How to address it: Say, “I’ve been feeling bored during intimacy. How can we make it more exciting?”

# Prioritizing Other Activities

Choosing work or hobbies over spending time with your partner can signal a lack of interest in deepening your connection.

Why this happens: This often results from dissatisfaction or a lack of fulfillment in the relationship.
How to address it: Suggest, “I’ve been focusing on other activities a lot. Let’s find ways to reconnect.”

# Emotional Disconnection

When emotional distance grows, physical intimacy often suffers. You may feel out of sync or distant from your partner.

Why this happens: Emotional barriers and lack of communication can create a rift.
How to address it: Share, “I’ve been feeling emotionally distant, and it’s affecting our intimacy. Can we talk about this?”

# Not Missing Them When Apart

If you don’t feel their absence when they’re away, it may reflect a weakened emotional bond.

Why this happens: A strained connection can lead to indifference or relief during separation.
How to address it: Say, “I’ve noticed I don’t miss you as much when you’re away. Let’s discuss how we can strengthen our bond.”