15 Sure Signs That Tell You Have a Toxic Mother-in-law

A mother-in-law displaying toxic behavior doesn't necessarily base her animosity on factual reasons; often, she avoids truly getting to know you on a personal level. The concept of someone new coming into their child's life and sharing decision-making authority that she was once a part of seems unacceptable to her, including the decisions themselves.

Instead of opting for a challenging passive-aggressive approach, it's advisable to attempt viewing the situation from your mother-in-law's perspective. Striving to find empathy within the circumstances could be beneficial.

Mutually incorporating each other into your lives, rather than pushing one another away, might lead to an improved situation for both parties.

It's important to recognize that there's a possibility a toxic mother-in-law might never change her stance. Regardless of your efforts or actions, you could be left dealing with this person. The true importance lies in your partner acknowledging your attempts and understanding your standpoint. Moreover, your own family can serve as a support network.

A toxic mother-in-law consistently fosters negativity and tension within the family dynamic. This individual might exhibit excessive control, criticism, and disrespect, frequently meddling in her child's marital and parenting choices.

Boundaries might not be respected, and there could be an expectation for everything to revolve around her wishes. These toxic behaviors can strain relationships, leading to emotional strain and clashes.

Managing such a mother-in-law can be an intimidating challenge, resonating with many individuals who have faced similar difficulties. Nonetheless, comprehending and addressing these concerns, even without providing specific solutions, can be a crucial step towards discovering healthier methods of handling the situation.

# One-ups everything you say

When you have an illness or aren’t feeling well, she suddenly comes down with something far worse.

# No regard for your feelings

Irrespective of the event or the people present, a toxic mother-in-law will probably discover a means to exhibit disrespect. This could involve critiquing your choice of marriage, whether it was a civil ceremony or the theme you selected. It might even extend to bringing up the possibility of divorce, especially in the most unfavorable circumstances.

# Is entirely self-involved

In the presence of a toxic mother-in-law, the focal point often becomes her emotional responses and the judgments she offers on almost any topic. She tends to find avenues to interject herself into any subject you raise during a conversation.

# Invasive in your marriage

A bothersome mother-in-law seeks out gossip about your marriage with the intention of sharing this information within her social circle. It's as if she's deliberately provoking situations to sow discord, which is quite likely her actual motive.

# Makes you feel inferior

A spiteful mother-in-law takes pleasure in asserting her vastly superior understanding of being a partner and her ability to provide unparalleled advice for managing any scenario. While it's probable that her guidance holds merit, it doesn't automatically imply that you're inclined to adopt her methods.

While you're open to receiving her advice, there's no need for you to feel diminished by it.

# Criticism oozes from her core

The signs of mother-in-law issues become evident when every visit brings forth critical remarks about your home decor, cleanliness, and dissatisfaction with the dinner you've prepared, often resulting in her barely touching her plate.

The duration of her stay remains brief, with her departure attributed to her allergies being triggered by the presence of dust bunnies.

# Negativity

Every utterance and action from your mother-in-law seems to carry a negative undertone, which serves as a clear indicator of her toxic nature. Even if you make an effort to be amiable or optimistic, she manages to quash it.

Your only viable option is to counter with even more positivity, aiming to encourage her to perceive the brighter aspects of situations.

# Boundaries are ignored

When you're considering strategies to manage a situation where your mother-in-law perceives you as a threat and disregards attempts to set boundaries, involving your partner becomes necessary.

Even after a conversation, boundaries might persistently be challenged and breached, as toxic individuals often lack alternative methods of interaction. It's your responsibility to be resolute in upholding these boundaries, without succumbing to feelings of guilt or making exceptions.

I recommend listening to a podcast that delves into the subject of boundaries, particularly exploring how mothers-in-law sometimes seem impervious to them.

# Makes things challenging

Making mistakes in front of your family, particularly your partner, is something everyone wishes to avoid, and an emotionally manipulative mother-in-law is well aware of this fact. Hence, her tendency to assign you unfeasible tasks when everyone is present, with the understanding that your probable failure could undermine your self-assurance.

When confronted with a manipulative mother-in-law, you can strive to disprove her assumptions. By effectively accomplishing these tasks and pleasantly surprising everyone, you can counteract her intentions in a positive manner.

# She secretly harbors jealousy

Regrettably, a toxic mother-in-law often nurtures feelings of jealousy, perhaps due to your superior managerial skills, culinary expertise, or appearance. While such moments of recognition can be gratifying, it remains your partner's responsibility to uphold the relationship. However, if the relationship falters, it's crucial to recognize that it's not your wrongdoing, and you need not bear the weight of that outcome.

# Drama is the game

Similarly, when grappling with challenges involving a mother-in-law, numerous individuals resort to creating drama to capture their children's attention.

While you can certainly communicate the tactics employed to your partner, they ultimately need to personally discern these tactics and manage the situation in their own manner.

# Gossip

The assertion My mother-in-law is toxic might be fitting when you catch her engaging in gossip about you in your absence. Such behavior is particularly inappropriate, even for a mother-in-law. If someone has something to express regarding another individual, it should ideally occur through a direct face-to-face conversation.

# You’re not even in the room

When you and your partner pay a visit, and it feels as if your presence goes entirely unnoticed, this signals the presence of a toxic mother-in-law. Throughout your time there, she deliberately excludes you from her interactions, focusing solely on her son.

Even when refreshments are served, your partner is left to extend the courtesy to you. This treatment can be belittling. Although it would be appropriate for someone, like your spouse, to address the situation, such actions often go unnoticed. This is when it becomes crucial to engage in a conversation with your partner, ensuring that such behavior is not repeated in the future.

# Grudges

It's possible that you might have committed an action in the past that she continues to hold against you, even now. Having a conversation becomes important in order to communicate that the past should remain behind and both parties should be able to progress.

If this doesn't lead to a resolution, ensure that you maintain your boundaries and, when necessary, remove yourself from the situation.

# A controlling person

When navigating the challenge of handling toxic in-laws, it's crucial to resist allowing the individual to exercise control over you. This individual may make efforts to dictate how things should unfold within your home and marriage through your partner.

Research indicates that the drive to control one's surroundings is both biological and psychological, but it can turn problematic when it becomes irrational.

Your mother-in-law's endeavors to exert control over you or your partner should not be tolerated, warranting a subsequent discussion to address this issue.