6 Tips To make Them Say "I Love You" First

Should you be the first to say “I love you” in a relationship? Expressing those three words for the first time often feels like a huge milestone, and for good reason—it can shift your relationship to a deeper level. After all, love isn't a word you casually throw around; it carries significant meaning.

We don't want to add to the pressure, but it's true: saying “I love you” signals that you’ve moved past infatuation or admiration. Love is a profound emotion, and acknowledging it is no small matter.

That’s why timing is crucial when deciding if you should be the first to say it. However, this doesn't apply to every relationship. In some long-term relationships or even marriages, couples don’t even recall who said I love you first. So, is it really that big of a deal? That’s something you’ll explore further here.

Vulnerability in saying I love you first

Let’s be clear—some people believe that being the first to express love makes you more vulnerable, clingy, or even weaker. But those who think that likely don’t understand what love truly is.

When you genuinely love someone and are confident in your feelings, it’s important to express it. As the saying goes, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Saying I love you first doesn’t mean you've lost—it actually shows immense courage. You’re brave enough to reveal your feelings despite the uncertainty of how the other person may respond. If it’s what you really feel, why hold back?

If both you and your partner avoid saying “I love you” despite feeling it, you might have reached a frustrating standstill in your relationship. If this is where you're at, where love is clearly felt but no one wants to say it first, it’s likely an issue of ego.

This hesitation can easily turn into an ego battle or a power struggle within the relationship, which isn’t healthy.

It’s a strange dynamic to navigate, but if both of you know there’s love, and the only thing preventing either of you from saying it is awkwardness, then maybe it’s time to break the cycle.

You can learn how to get your partner to express their feelings without turning it into a power play—just a bit of finesse and maybe even some psychology. Hopefully, then, you can move beyond this immature phase and embrace something more genuine.

# Limit the use of like and other L-words

When your partner gazes into your eyes and says, “I really, really like you,” you can playfully respond with, “Oh, that’s nice. I really like pepperoni pizza.” With a teasing wink, you let them know that “like” is a casual word, best reserved for simple things. This playful nudge might get them to realize you're hoping for something a bit deeper—perhaps the word love?

# Use your charm to get them to confess

A passionate night can often lead to those magic words, I love you! If you want your partner to say it, use intimacy to your advantage. After an amazing experience, they may not only declare their love but also promise to do more around the house or be more attentive during Sunday Night Football.

That said, hearing “I love you” during or immediately after sex can feel insincere, as if they needed that experience to say it. But if you’re both already in love, using a little intimacy to ease past the awkwardness of the first “I love you” can make it more comfortable going forward.

# Encourage emotional openness

Open, honest conversations are a powerful way to bring people closer. When your partner shares personal details, it creates a sense of trust and emotional intimacy, making it easier for them to express their feelings.

To coax out that first “I love you,” share something deeply personal about yourself—your fears, challenges, or thoughts that inspire deeper conversation. Over a glass of wine, ask them meaningful questions about what brings them happiness. This emotional depth might just lead them to say “I love you” before you know it.

# Subconsciously nudge them while they sleep

This trick might sound a little unusual, but studies have shown that people can learn new things while they sleep. So why not plant a little suggestion?

Wait until your partner is asleep and whisper something like, “I will express my feelings to [your name].” While it sounds quirky, what’s the worst that could happen? They might wake up, hear “I love you” from you, and find the whole thing adorable!

# Flood their senses with love symbols

Surround your partner with love-themed cues to nudge them towards saying those three words. Wear red on your dates, watch romantic movies together, and listen to love songs in the background. Use phrases like “I’d love to!” to emphasize love in casual conversations.

You can also tap into their emotions by meeting their needs. Small gestures, like having their favorite food ready after a long day, can show how much you care, connecting them to the feeling of love. It won’t be long before they say “I love you” in return.

# Get creative with Pictionary

Pictionary is a fun game to play, but it can also be a sneaky way to prompt your partner into saying “I love you.” Sketch an eye, a heart, and a stick figure pointing at someone. As the game’s excitement builds, they might shout, “I love you!” without even realizing it. You can then jokingly respond, “Haha! You said it first!”

Of course, while games are fun, being straightforward about your feelings can be even better. As we’ve mentioned, waiting for someone else to say “I love you” first is unnecessary—just express yourself honestly and openly!