10 Toxic Communication Ways That Ruin Your Relationship

When reading the examples above, you might think, “I’ve done that before” or “I remember saying something like that recently and feeling bad about it.” Now, you may be wondering if your relationship suffers from poor communication. But don’t worry—yet.

Saying something unkind once or being a little rude a few years ago doesn’t automatically mean your relationship has toxic communication issues. Everyone loses their temper or acts out of character occasionally—it’s part of being human.

The real concern arises when these behaviors become a consistent pattern. If you find yourself engaging in unhealthy communication daily, it might stem from having a low emotional intelligence (EQ), which research identifies as a significant contributor to toxic communication habits. The good news? This is a skill you can develop and improve over time.

Healthy communication, on the other hand, is built on transparency, trust, respect, and kindness. While actions matter, expressing love and understanding through words is equally important. Adopting healthy communication strategies can strengthen your connection with your partner.

Consider this scenario: It’s Friday evening, and after a long workweek, you’re excited to spend quality time with your partner. When you get home, they’re lounging on the couch, eating potato chips. You suggest going to a movie or for a walk, but they say they’re not in the mood. Feeling hurt, you might react by saying things like, “We never do anything,” “I hate you,” “You don’t care about me,” or “I’m sick of this.” You might escalate further by crying, throwing a fit, or snatching their chips.

These responses are examples of unhealthy communication. They don’t address the issue or help your partner understand your feelings. Your partner might not even realize how much you were looking forward to spending time together or why their response upset you.

Instead, practice healthy communication by calmly expressing your feelings. Explain why spending time together is important to you, how their reaction made you feel, and propose a compromise. Approaching the situation with understanding and clarity can foster a stronger, more supportive relationship.

# Getting Overly Defensive

Becoming defensive whenever your partner raises a concern is a common negative communication pattern. Instead of saying, “This isn’t my fault,” try responding with empathy, such as, “I’m sorry this is upsetting you.” Blaming each other creates a cycle of argument rather than a pathway to resolution. Even if fault lies with the other person, focusing on blame without working toward a solution can escalate the issue unnecessarily.

# Using Frustrated Language

Frustration is natural, but taking it out on your partner isn’t fair. Phrases like “You always get on my nerves” or “You never support me” can be harmful. Words like “always” and “never” make your partner feel perpetually at fault, which may not reflect reality. This language can also create the false perception that your partner is the source of all your problems, fostering unnecessary resentment.

# Speaking on Behalf of Your Partner

In long-term relationships, it’s easy for boundaries to blur. You might tell their stories or order for them at a restaurant, assuming you know their preferences. While this can reflect closeness, it can also stifle your partner’s independence and self-expression. Over time, this habit might prevent them from exploring new interests or asserting their individuality.

# Gaslighting

Gaslighting involves making your partner question their perception of reality, a highly toxic behavior. For example, if your partner says, “I feel like you’re being controlling,” and you respond with, “Are you sure? I’m just helping you make good decisions because I care about you,” you’re dismissing their feelings and twisting the narrative. Instead, listen carefully, validate their concerns, and work together on a solution.

# Being Excessively Critical

It’s natural to want the best for your partner, but constant criticism—especially about things they can’t control—can damage their self-esteem. Instead of focusing on their flaws, address issues constructively when they genuinely matter. Criticizing unnecessarily only undermines their confidence and harms your connection.

# Displaying Negative Body Language

Non-verbal cues matter just as much as words. Rolling your eyes, maintaining physical distance, or avoiding intimacy can make your partner feel unwelcome and unappreciated. These gestures send a clear message of disinterest, potentially causing emotional rifts in the relationship.

# Abruptly Cutting Off Communication

Suddenly halting all forms of communication without explanation can severely harm a relationship. Ghosting your partner by ignoring calls, texts, or conversations creates confusion and distrust. Healthy communication involves expressing your feelings and explaining why you need space, fostering understanding rather than resentment.

# Dominating Conversations (Steamrolling)

Interrupting or overshadowing your partner’s voice during discussions damages trust and inhibits healthy dialogue. This behavior, known as steamrolling, often includes defensive responses, talking over them, or changing the topic prematurely. It prevents your partner from feeling heard and validated, undermining the relationship.

# Crossing Boundaries

Bringing up sensitive topics, such as past traumas or personal insecurities your partner shared in confidence, is a significant breach of trust. Using such information against them or repeatedly referencing it can cause deep emotional pain. Respecting boundaries is crucial for maintaining a safe and supportive relationship.

# Assuming Your Partner Already Knows

Expecting your partner to understand your feelings without clear communication can lead to misunderstandings. They can’t read your mind, and failing to articulate your emotions or concerns might result in unresolved tensions. Openly sharing your thoughts helps your partner empathize and respond effectively.