Valentines Special- 5 Facts About Intimacy in Long Term Relationship

Some years ago, Australian sex therapist and online dating coach, Bettina Arndt wrote, quite controversially, that women who felt low sexual desire in their relationships should “just do it.” What she meant was this: even if women felt low libido, having sex anyway might encourage feelings of desire and sexual responsiveness.

Here are 5 truths about sex drive in long-term relationships.

* Men experience low libido, despite cultural stereotypes that might suggest otherwise

Men, just like women, experience low sex drive too. Stress, physical exhaustion and mental health issues may all contribute to consistently low sexual desire in both sexes. While the stereotype is often that women are the only ones who stop wanting sex in long-term relationships, men can just as easily feel less inclined toward sex.

* Sex may surprise you, and be better than anticipated

Those who engage in sex with their partner even if they are not in the mood often end up enjoying themselves. Sometimes, it takes a little foreplay to get in the mood, and being open to that fact can do wonders for your relationship. And even if one partner's sex drive remains low, he/she still can enjoy other benefits from sex such as feeling closer and intimate with their partner.

* Compromise is healthy, and easier when there's a baseline of respect

The topic is tricky, as with the topic of sex come issues of consent, which must obviously never be disrespected or ignored. The studies on sex drive that I'm referring to were conducted with couples who had otherwise respectful and healthy relationships. When there is underlying respect within the relationship, partners often find it easier to accommodate their loved ones’ needs. Compromise doesn't have to involve "sucking it up" or "just doing it" with a pejorative connotation.

* Low sexual desire can sometimes point to deeper problems in the relationship

Often, in relationships that have deeper and more intense issues, waning sexual desire is simply another manner of indicating that there are innate problems within the relationship. For those couples, often seeking counseling will help. Looking at relationship dynamics as a reflection of the state of the relationship at large is an essential form of reflection and learning.

* Sex doesn't have to be spontaneous to be sexy

Healthy couples that are willing to prioritize the sexual well-being of their relationship tend to feel closer in many ways. When partners are willing to engage sexually even when they may not be up for it, couples may cultivate a deepened sense of intimacy, particularly an increased sense of communal strength within the relationship.