No one teaches you how to express your feelings, and many people spend much of their lives trying to figure out the right way to do it. Often, when they try, it comes out wrong. They might stumble over words, say the wrong thing, and upset others.
Most of us don’t have bad intentions; we simply don’t know how to express ourselves without causing hurt. This can lead to the decision to stop expressing feelings altogether, which is not healthy. If you’re struggling to express your feelings, you’re not alone.
Choosing to lock away your feelings isn’t the answer. Learning how to express your feelings is essential throughout your life, and it’s a skill worth mastering.
Here’s the most important advice: acknowledge that you are allowed to feel the way you do. Never feel the need to apologize for your feelings, because you’re entitled to them.
Once you accept this, expressing your feelings becomes much easier. Think back to being 13 and having your first crush. The idea of telling them how you felt seemed impossible and terrifying.
Some of us never outgrow that stage, ending up numb and confused about our emotions, missing out on the beautiful things happening around us.
You need to learn how to express your feelings, step by step. The first step? Listen to everything we’re about to tell you. And we do mean everything.
# First, you need to relaxSeriously, let it go. Whatever it is for you, let it go completely. Whatever is holding you back from expressing your true feelings, say goodbye to it forever.
You’re not alone in this struggle; we all face it. Expressing feelings is something we all do, and it’s not always easy. Getting worked up about it won’t help. So, relax and realize that expressing your emotions is just a part of life, and you need to learn how to do it effectively.
# How ARE you feeling?Before you can tell anyone how you feel, you must figure it out for yourself. Did someone hurt your feelings? Lay it all out for yourself. Be brutally honest—you're the only one listening right now.
Identifying your feelings might seem obvious, but it’s often harder than it seems. Many people don’t know what they are feeling or why. That’s why this is the first step. Get clear on your feelings before you work on expressing them.
# Dig deeperIt’s great that you know Jimmy broke your heart and it upset you, but you need to dig deeper than that. Understand why his actions affected you the way they did.
We all have reasons for feeling the way we do. We can't articulate our thoughts and feelings until we fully understand them ourselves.
# Is it worth it?Sometimes, people don’t want to hear how we feel, and yes—it sucks. But that’s life, and we need to accept it. You can understand your feelings perfectly, but if they fall on deaf ears, what's the point?
Decide what is worth your energy, because it is precious. Sometimes, it’s best to understand your feelings for yourself and leave it at that.
# Come up with three solutions to your problemIf you have many problems and expect others to solve them for you, you won’t be very successful. If someone hurt you, you can (1) walk away, (2) work it out, or (3) pretend it never happened. Find your own solutions before confronting someone about how you feel.
# Take your timeThink about what you’re about to do. If your boss sent a passive-aggressive email and you’re fed up, STOP. Don’t reply immediately. Sit with your feelings.
Follow a 24-hour rule unless a response is urgently needed. If you’re angry, wait 24 hours to reply. By then, you'll likely be less angry and able to respond calmly, defusing unnecessary situations.
# Do it in personIn today’s age, it’s easy to send a text or an email, but it’s important not to. Expressing your feelings isn't meant to be easy.
Talking in person is risky and takes courage, but it's the respectful thing to do. It shows character and ethics. When you talk in person, you develop a bond and a connection, making it easier to resolve issues. Don’t back down from your feelings.
# Be confident in how you feelOnce you understand your feelings, be confident about them. Stand firm in your emotions and project that confidence.
In person, it’s easy to hide behind a smile or laugh, ignoring your true feelings. Expressing your feelings is challenging but necessary.
Enter the conversation with clear intentions and topics you need to discuss. Follow through with them.
# Understand the outcomesThings might not go well, and you should be prepared for that. Sometimes people don’t want to hear what you say, or they might get angry because they feel attacked.
This could result in the loss of a friendship, relationship, or other connection. If it does, it’s for the best.
Consider the pros and cons of expressing your emotions in any situation. Sometimes it’s necessary, but other times it might not help and could hurt others' feelings.
Be mentally and emotionally prepared for any outcome, whether positive or negative.