10 Helpful Tips To Deal With An Insecure Boyfriend

Insecurity is often deeply rooted in past emotional trauma and unmet needs. And it takes time and the right kind of help for a person to be able to break free from the shackles of insecurities. Both you and your boyfriend will need to put in the effort to break this pattern, celebrate small successes, take things one step at a time, and patiently wait for significant changes in his behavior and your relationship dynamic.

Of course, it’s vital to remember that you can reassure your boyfriend about the relationship and your feelings for him all you want, but things won’t change unless he is willing to do the necessary work for improving himself. And if he is ready and willing to accept your help, here are 10 ways you can work toward bettering your relationship with him:

# Evaluate your own conduct and behavior in the relationship

Sounds frustrating and almost unfair that you need to introspect and analyze your behavior when he is the one who has been hurting you. We’re asking you to be the bigger person here. You must examine the way you behave with your insecure boyfriend. Ask yourself:

- Do you give him enough love and attention?
- Have you been spending quality time together?
- Do you tend to flirt with other guys even though you know it makes him uncomfortable?
- Have you been making an effort to connect with him on a deeper level?

While we’re not condoning his overbearing possessiveness or insecure behavior, it can help to assess if you’re in any way triggering these behaviors. What you consider harmless and inconsequential could be a big deal to him. This is especially important if he does not show any signs of insecurity in his interactions with others or other aspects of his life.

# How to have a relationship with an insecure man? Extend your support and understanding to him

Genevieve Bachman, an interior designer once told us that her boyfriend was extremely controlling and demanded that he select her outfits for her every morning. He would constantly text her while she was at work and would ask her to sit by herself during lunch and speak to him over the phone.

Learning to communicate better with your partner can go a long way in helping you address the issues that may be triggering unhealthy behavior patterns and help you see things from each other’s perspective. Remember at all times that you are dealing with an emotionally fragile man. So be careful with your words and try to be as kind as you can be. Follow through with the promises you make to him and try to live up to the realistic expectations he has of you.

# Show him that you care

When they sat down and had an honest conversation she realized that his issues stemmed from the fact that her boss had a bad reputation for making passes at his female employees. When she assured him that she would never pay attention to any advances by her boss, he calmed down.

# Encourage him to discuss his past with you when you try to deal with an insecure man

The insecurity issues that your boyfriend is displaying cannot be attributed to a single thing or life experience. It’s likely that he has dealt with a series of traumatic and emotionally scarring events in the past that have left him grappling with low self-esteem and insecurities. So, encourage him to talk about those past experiences – be it his past relationship or growing up with toxic parents – to get to the root of the problem.

Dealing with an insecure partner is not always simple. Sometimes, it entails nudging him to do a deep dive into his triggers and emotional baggage. That can be hard for someone who has years of bottled-up hurt, anger, or trauma to work through. So many people go through their lives actively trying to avoid facing their emotions. So, you have your work cut out for you.

# Avoid becoming like your insecure boyfriend

The “my partner is insecure and it’s annoying” feeling can quickly give way to “let me give him a taste of his own medicine”. However, behaving just like your insecure boyfriend will only lead to more problems in your relationship so do not tread down that path EVER! It’s a recipe for disaster that will only make your relationship more toxic and dysfunctional than it is. Here are some ways you can ensure that you don’t end up displaying unhealthy behavior patterns in order to get back at him:

- Don’t start flirting with other men or micro-cheating just to get back at him
- Don’t start secretly checking his phone or social media activity to keep tabs on him
- Don’t accusing him of cheating and lying just because he has been doing it
- Don’t say mean or hurtful things or use his vulnerabilities to attack him

# Steer clear of the temptation to lie to him

When you know that telling your insecure boyfriend the truth will only result in yet another argument or a four-hour-long fight replete with tears, hurtful words, and angry outbursts, harmless white lies can seem far more appealing. However, if you lie to him and he catches on, his trust issues and insecurities will increase manifold.

As hard as it may be, be honest with yourself and with him. If his reaction to certain situations puts you on the edge, have a conversation about it with him. Tell him that his insecure behavior is making you anxious and impacting your mental health and emotional well-being. In such a situation, you can either tell him that certain aspects of your life will no longer be up for discussion until he becomes more accepting of them or ask him to tone down his reactions and convey his concerns calmly if he wants transparency in the relationship.

# Make plans with your friends that include him

One of the problems with dating an insecure man is that he may have a hard time trusting your friends or the other people you hang out with. But there is a way to placate his concerns. If you know that when you go out with your friends, especially your male friends, your insecure boyfriend gets upset, then make plans with them that include him. This way, he can meet them, get to know them and get rid of his suspicions for good.

Sometimes the fear of the unknown is much worse than the reality. Who knows, when he meets your friends he might just love them and realize that he actually has nothing to worry about. When he observes your platonic relationship and builds a rapport with your friends, he will let his guard down and become more trusting of you and them too.

# Let him know your concerns about the relationship

Yes, it may be hard to communicate with an insecure partner, but it is the only way to address the elephant in the room. Besides, if you keep all of that frustration and annoyance bottled up, it will lead to resentment in the relationship, which can quickly make this bad situation worse.

Being open and honest with each other is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Open communication means you both are comfortable and unafraid to bare your vulnerable side to each other. Isn’t that what true love is all about? You must encourage each other to share and discuss your problems and fears mutually.

# How to deal with an insecure person in a relationship? Give him time to improve

You cannot expect your insecure boyfriend to change overnight. So, give him the time and space he needs to deal with his issues and work through his insecurities. Do not rush this process. However, this does not mean that you put up with any abusive behavior on his part. If you don’t see any signs of improvement even after a significant amount of time has passed or he shows no inclination to do the work necessary to effect change, it might be time to accept that the relationship red flags won’t go away anytime soon and call it quits.

# Approach a therapist

Counseling is proven to be beneficial in uncovering past traumas, identifying problematic patterns, and breaking free from them. If you and your boyfriend sincerely want to change your dynamics but haven’t had much success, going into individual or couples therapy can be an effective solution.

If he is already toying with this idea, make sure you encourage this and help him find a good therapist to deal with his issues. You may do your best to figure out how to deal with an insecure man and save your relationship but may not have the necessary know-how and skills to help him through his issues.