10 Ways To Respond To Someone Guilt Tripping You

Guilt tripping in a relationship can be extremely damaging. Not only is it underhanded, but it can erode away at your bond and confidence.

In some cases, a relationship can be blighted by guilt tripping. It can get to the point where one partner constantly feels to blame for everything going wrong, and the other washes their hands of it. This is classic guilt tripping in a relationship. It’s important to spot it and stop it to avoid major problems.

From time to time, we’re all to blame for saying and doing things we wish we hadn’t. Everyone has said something they didn’t mean to say to someone they love and felt bad about it afterwards. Anger and upset can cause us to act out of character occasionally. However, in those situations it’s important to apologize and put the situation right. But that is normal relationship stuff. Guilt tripping in a relationship is a different story.

# Acknowledge the guilt tripping

The first step to responding to someone who is guilt tripping you, is to acknowledge that the behavior is indeed that. It’s easy to assume that perhaps you are to blame. In reality, it’s a form of manipulation, whether meant that way or not.

This step doesn’t mean telling them that you know it’s a guilt trip, but that you know in your own mind what it is. That internal acknowledgment gives you power to respond to it in a positive way, rather than acting out of true guilt or even anger.

# Call it out in the right way

Once you know what it is, you need to tell them that you know. This is a tricky one because you need to use the right language and avoid a confrontation. Someone who uses guilt tripping as a defense mechanism can easily become defensive to you, too. However, if you’re dealing with a narcissist, you’ll probably find yourself on the receiving end of even more passive aggressive behavior and an even bigger guilt trip.

A good example is to say, “I understand that you feel …. *insert what they feel*, but I feel like you’re putting the guilt onto me unfairly”. That will open lines of communication and help you to steer the conversation in the right direction.

# Listen to their response

Once they start talking, you must listen and that means actively listening. Nod along, make agreeable noises, and basically let them know that you’re paying attention and that you want to actually communicate to get to the bottom of the issue. It might be difficult for them to speak at first, but by listening, you’ll encourage them to continue.

# Let them know that you understand

Do your best to understand the other person and really let them know that you’re doing your best to use empathy and see things through their eyes. It could be that their use of guilt tripping in a relationship actually has nothing to do with you, and has everything to do with prior experiences.

# Explore the issue with questions

If they seem a little unsure or they’re finding it hard to talk, ask questions in a careful way, using the right type of language. This will encourage them to open up and will help you to understand what is driving this guilt tripping behavior.

# Don’t always see it as someone attacking you

Understand that this might not be personal. It might not be an attack on you. If it is, then you need to address that separately, but it’s important to first look beyond that first impression and find out whether something is underlying.

# Stay calm, but don’t accept blame unnecessarily

Don’t feel like you should apologize or accept blame if you really haven’t done anything wrong. It’s easy to feel angry and start defending yourself, but you probably don’t have anything to defend yourself against. Rather than saying “sorry”, try to get to the bottom of what is causing it.

# Communicate how you feel using non-blaming language

Communication is a difficult subject and something which many people find hard. When you’re telling your partner how you feel and how their guilt tripping is causing you to feel, make sure that you choose your words carefully. Avoid using blame-like language that could be inflammatory.

# Ask them to tell you what they want or need

To help your partner to open up and work out this guilt tripping in a relationship problem, ask your partner what they need from you or what they want from you. This shows them that you want to work at things with them and not against them. Sometimes that can be half of the problem.

# Identify patterns

Guilt tripping in a relationship can sometimes be a long-term problem. In that case, you need to identify these patterns to look for reasons why this is happening. Does your partner go on a guilt trip when a certain emotion flares or after a certain trigger? This information will help you to address the problem more clearly.