11 Ways To Stop Being Possessive In A Relationship

You might not be sure if the behavior you’re exhibiting is possessive or not. For that reason, you need to know what possessiveness is and what it looks like in a relationship.

Possessiveness is, as we’ve already mentioned, when you’re desperate to hold on to your partner. As a result, your behavior can become problematic. You might not want them to go out and see their friends or to be away from you. You may become jealous or angry when their attention isn’t on you. It’s also possible that you want to know every small detail about their life and what’s going on.

Basically, you’re terrified you’re going to lose them or they’re going to walk away from you for their own reasons. You think that by hanging on so tightly and borderline controlling them, means they’re more likely to stay. The truth is, they’re more likely to leave.

# Trust yourself

Before you can start trusting your partner, start to trust yourself. Usually, if you have trust issues and need to feel in control, you have issues trusting your own judgment.

You need to realize you chose this person to be with for a reason. Let them be with you on their terms.

# Learn to communicate

Talking is the best way to start building trust. Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and be sure to listen to them. Sharing what you need and expect from each other and actually acting on it is so important.

# Set boundaries

If you are having a hard time figuring out what is acceptable and what isn’t, sit down with your partner and discuss what is over the line for them. Should you be checking in with each other a few times a day when you aren’t together?

Figure out what works for both of you. You can try to compromise and meet in the middle and slowly pull back as your trust grows.

# Talk about your feelings

We know this sounds mushy and cheesy, but actually talking to your partner about how you feel can help you let go of some of the anger or anxiety you hang on to. Once they know how you feel, they will understand. You will feel a weight lifted.

# Do things with other people

Don’t just hang out alone, but join with friends and other couples. This will let you be together without being on top of each other. It also lets you get to know each other’s friends, so you know who they spend their time with.

# Tell them what you need

Your partner may be tired of you controlling them, as they should be. If you let them know what you need to let go of that control, they will want to work with you.

If you need to see them more often or hear from them more throughout the day at first, to let go of that possessiveness, find a way to work on it together.

# Ask what they need

Understanding how to stop being possessive in a relationship isn’t just about you. This is a partnership. Work with them too. Ask what they need from you to trust that you are trying to be better.

# Live your own life

One reason it can be hard to let go of being possessive in a relationship is due to the fact that your relationship has taken over most of your life. Maybe you see family and go to work, but if your life is consumed with the relationship, it can be hard to lose control over something that is so prominent in your life.

Go out with your friends. Take up other hobbies or more responsibilities at work. If you are independent and don’t rely on your control over partner to be fulfilled, you can both live well-balanced lives.

# Don’t try to change them

When someone is possessive in a relationship, they try to change their partner to how they picture them or want them to be. You may silence a partner that has strong opinions or make someone who is independent rely on you to help you more easily control them.

These things are not just manipulative but are ways to change someone for your benefit. If you don’t truly want to be with the person they are, then you are in the wrong relationship.
# Tell your partner where these feelings came from

It can be hard to open up about why you have these hangups with trust and control. But, letting your partner know what experiences you went through will give them a deeper insight into why you have this behavior so they can work with you.

# Consider trying therapy

If all of this doesn’t do the trick and you can’t help but continue being possessive in a relationship, think about going to therapy.

There is no shame in it. You haven’t lost control. It means you are asking for help to take control of your life. You don’t want your emotions controlling you but to control them so you can be in a healthy and equal relationship.