18 Things You Should Never Tell To Your Husband

Regardless of how kind and caring your relationship is, there will come a time when a disagreement becomes emotional and when emotions are charged, things can be said that aren’t necessarily meant.

But the problem is, once words are said, they can’t be taken back, and their hurt can be palpable for some time.

While it’s understandable that couples argue, after all, you have two different people with different ideas, morals and ethics coming together, there are some things that just shouldn’t be said.

These things are often said with the intent to hurt and cause pain, which is not what you want your husband to feel.

* “I always do everything”

While it is true that you may be busy around the house all day, it is probably far from true that you do everything alone. This is something that many women make the mistake of saying. Instead of talking about how you do and complaining about how little he does, focus on what he does do and praise him for it. You will notice some big changes soon. When you show your words of appreciation for the things your husband does, no matter how small, he will want to please you more and make more of an effort to help around the house.

* “Let me show you how it’s done”

As you know, men feel good about themselves when they think that they can solve life’s problems, no matter how small. When you step in and direct your husband’s behavior, especially if he has not asked you to, it is a direct message to him saying that he is not competent. If you have any suggestions, start them off by saying something like, “I have a suggestion, if you’d like.” This way, you sound more like you are just trying to help rather than insulting him and saying that you can do better than him.

* “You never listen to me”

Accusing your husband of not listening to you is a mistake that you should avoid making. Apart from being untrue, it is an unfair thing to say to your partner. Many women say this when they have a fight with their boyfriend or husband as they know it strikes a nerve. Saying anything in an accusatory tone should be avoided even if it is true, so watch how you utter these words. Instead of accusing him, let him gently know that his actions disappointed you and that you would like him to start listening to you more, just as you listen to him.

* “Stay away from me”

As you know, we often say things in the heat of the moment and later regret it. This is one of those things. This sentence can hurt your husband’s feelings, especially if you say it during a fight. It will sound like you are pushing him away, and that is not something that anyone, including you, would like. It can be satisfying to say something hurtful to someone, but you will probably regret it later so refrain from doing so.

* “What is wrong with you?”

This is one of the worst things you could say to your husband. It is one thing if it is a joke, but if you seriously mean, it can make your husband feel low. For instance, if you said it because he forgot to pick up milk at the store, you can rest assured that he will never offer to pick it up again. Attacking someone with words is not the best way to express your feelings so make sure you are careful how you do it. It could end up creating a rift between you and your husband.

* “That’s all you did?”

So, the world is not perfect, and your husband missed a few chores while you were out. If you expected something from your husband but did not articulate it, you should own up to it rather than letting him feel like a major disappointment. For example, if you asked him to tidy up the kids’ room and he put all the toys in one corner of the room and pulled the blankets over the bed. You did not give your husband specific details on how to organize the kids’ room so he did it the best way he could. Instead of saying this, you can tell him that you appreciate his help and that next time, you will be more specific about how to clean up the room. Your husband will appreciate this and will want to do better in the future too.

* “What on earth were you thinking?!”

Consider a scenario where your husband comes home and shares how a plan backfired on him. He will be looking for compassion and your support. He did not ask for your opinion. All he wanted to do was get it off his chest and not be treated as a joke or a failure. You could try saying, “If it were me, I would’ve done…” You do not have to say too much as you may end up saying something wrong. Just keep it non-critical and simple.

* “You’re pathetic”

This is something you should never, and we mean NEVER say, no matter how much you want to hurt your husband. Even if he said something critical and sounded like he was attacking you, giving it back in the same coin is far from an ideal solution. Be direct and also, be the grown up. Tell him that if he is angry, frustrated or upset, he should talk to you as a partner and an adult instead of using harsh words to vent his frustration. This is an effective way to make sure that he learns to communicate in a more mature way.

* “My ex was always good…”

No matter what happens, you CANNOT say this to your husband. Just assume your husband told this to you, how miserable would you feel about it? That is exactly how he would also feel. People are different, and while some may be good at certain things, some are good at certain other things. You should never demean your husband by comparing him to anyone, especially to your ex.

* “Watch the kids tonight but don’t mess up!”

Sure, your husband may not have been handling or taking care of the kids as often as you do, but that does not give you the leverage to order him around or teach him how to take care of children. He has been by your side and knows what’s to be done when needed. He may have his way of playing with the kids or taking care of them, and you must respect that. Of course, tell him that you would be available in case he needed help with something but avoid teaching him to do things your way, especially when it comes to kids.

* “I’m fine; I’m okay!”

Those two phrases right there are the most dangerous ones that a husband ever wants to listen to. Experience has taught your husband that when you say you’re fine or okay, you’re the opposite. They may not be able to gauge a certain situation. Do not leave them guessing about what went wrong or frustrated about not knowing what to do. Tell him what hurt you, without venting your frustration. Chances are he will not repeat the scenario.

* “Why can’t you be more like ______?”

And why can’t you, as a wife, be fair? It is bad to make comparisons and while comparing your husband to your ex is blasphemy, comparing him to anyone else is equally bad. You may see a few flaws in our husband, and you may want to get rid of them for the good of the relationship, but asking him to be someone else is just not right. This would not only mean that you do not like your husband as he is, but also that you trust and like another person more than your husband. No one, let alone a husband, would want to hear this. This phrase would only bring unhappiness into your husband’s life and eventually into the relationship.

* “You would understand if you loved me”

No, darling! He would understand you if you told him what went wrong. You may be emotional, and emotions do get the better of us, but if your husband were not understanding he wouldn’t still be around while you are sobbing away. He cares for you. He loves you immensely, which is why he wants to be a part of all your joys and help you in your sorrows. Do not depreciate his efforts by saying harsh things. If he has hurt you, let him know how and why.

* “Your family is bad!”

We are all very sensitive about our families and can never hear anything against the people with whom we have lived since our birth. There are a variety of emotions that we share with them, besides the blood bond, which make them very special to us. You may feel bad about something that a family member has done but instead of abusing them outright, tell your husband what you didn’t like. This would not only give you some peace of mind, but also help him solve a crisis and take care of things before matters go out of hand.

* “I don’t like your friends!”

We are all partly identified by the company that we keep. If you do not like his friends, chances are you do not like something in him as well. It is good to point out a certain characteristic of the group that you dislike, but disliking his friends altogether is rude. If you do happen to have a strong dislike, have a strong reason as well. Just because he may be spending a tad bit more time with them, giving you the jealousy streaks, do not hate his friends.

* “Don’t start this again…!!!”

This probably happens to be the most common phrase in a marriage. Yes, we are habituated to doing some things in certain ways, living or having a certain lifestyle, and even being a certain way. This may lead to conflicts but using the above phrase simply means that you want to have the upper hand in the debate, or you want to shut matters downright. You do not want a room for discussion and have no interest in doing the same. You’d rather go to bed with a foul mood than resolve an issue.

* “I wish I never married you!”

This phrase doesn’t just break a heart but shatters it. Imagine all the memories come collapsing down the moment you uttered these words. Saying something as extreme as this only means that you do not respect the relationship. This would force your husband to think that you can live without him and that the love may never have existed at all. This could also lead to further rejection in the relationship.

* “It is all your fault!”

You cannot clap with one hand, and it is never one person’s fault. Yes, there may be times when it is no one’s fault, and the situation may have risen entirely due to a lack of communication or a misunderstanding. This is when you need to ask yourself if blaming your husband for it all is a good idea. While you need not take the entire blame upon yourself, do not blame him either. Assess the situation and try and understand why something went wrong. Remember, communication is the key.

There are many things that you should and should not say to your husband. Whether it is during serious discussions or after a fight, you need to be careful about what you say to each other. Be respectful of one another and always use the right words. We are often too busy making dinner, feeding the kids, grocery shopping or cleaning the house that we often do not think about what we are saying to our spouse.