20 Bad Pickup Lines That You Should Avoid Using At All Costs

I feel like a lot of people use really bad pickup lines as a joke, just to their close friends. I know that I do, anyway. Maybe I’m wrong, but I would hope that most people wouldn’t dare try one of these pickup lines in a real-life situation. That would just be a bad idea.

Listen guys, as your friend *yes, we’re all friends here*, I’m telling you the absolute truth: These pickup lines are like a train wreck waiting to happen. They aren’t going to work. And if you make them work, I salute you because you are truly a god.

One time a guy messaged me on Tinder with a massive message, like we’re talking approximately 300 words, and it was our first interaction.The message was this massively elaborate story of how we would meet for coffee, start dating, fall in love, get married and have kids, and then I would inevitably cheat on him with a guy at work, and we would find ourselves in a messy divorce and the kids would be heartbroken, and one of us would never see the dog again, so to avoid all of that we should just sleep together. Yeah, all of that just to ask me to get in bed with him.

# Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong. Okay, Mr. Disgustington. Ease up. [Read:

# Do you drink milk? It clearly did your body good. Ya nasty.

# I lost my teddy, will you sleep with me instead? Just weird? What the heck are you doing sleeping with a teddy anyways?!

# I lost my virginity, can I have yours? I sent this to my boyfriend once… Yeah, I kind of hate myself.

# That shirt looks great on you, but it would look better on the floor. DO YOU WANNA BE ON THE FLOOR!? BOY, DON’T YOU DARE USE THIS.

# Your daddy must be a drug dealer, because you’re dope. HAHAHAHA, so funny. No, my daddy is an accountant, thank you very much.

# I’m not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. Well… don’t. Just don’t.

# Is your name Google? Because you’re the answer to everything I’ve been searching for. Hmm, nope, not me. But perhaps you could use Google to find a better pickup line?

# Was your mother a beaver, because damn! *Crickets*.

# I put the STD in stud, all I need is u. Yeah, when you walked in and I saw that greasy mullet, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to sleep with you… But now, now that you’ve told me about your STD? Well, now it’s ON.

# Are those space pants? Because your butt is out of this world! Can these space pants make me fly far, far away from this conversation? Because yes.

# Can you touch my hand? I want to tell my friends I was touched by an angel. Just no.

# If you were a transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine. Correction: If I was a transformer, I would crush you and your really bad pickup lines.

# Hey, baby, like my shirt? It’s made of boyfriend material. Actually, I like my boyfriends the way I like my lipstick: Nude. Just kidding, get away from me.

# Hey girl, are you Wi-Fi? Because we have a connection. *Unplugs router*. No can do, sir.

# Okay, I’m here. What would you like for your next wish? Well, you going away would be fantastic, actually. Thank you for asking.

# Excuse me, I believe you have something in your eye. Oh, nope it’s just a sparkle. Actually, it’s my contact lens, but thanks for making sure, guy.

# Remember me? Oh that’s right, we’ve only met in my dreams. *Internal screaming*.

# If you were a Pokemon, I’d choose you. Don’t ruin Pokemon for me, please and thank you. And correction, if I was a Pokemon, I’d be a Charmander because I’m fiery as hell.

# On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? Excuse me while I hurl.