3 Types Of Insecure Attachment You Must Know About

Human beings are wired to need other human beings. We all have the drive to want to attach to those around us. That does not always mean that we do so appropriately. The way we attach to other people becomes a mixture of our childhood experiences and past hurts or successes. Sometimes those things form a secure attachment style. Other times, they form an insecure attachment style.

An insecure attachment style is not only hard for the person who has it, but for anyone who tries to get close. They crave nothing more than being loved. But they self-sabotage and work as hard against themselves as possible. That ends in a self-fulfilling prophecy continuing throughout their adult relationships.

# The Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style

One type of insecure attachment is the anxious preoccupied attachment style. It is when people want to form something called a “fantasy bond” or an unrealistic bond, that gives them a false sense that they are unconditionally safe. Not trusting their partner, they often experience emotional hunger that drives them to always need more from their partner than anyone can supply.

They are the damsels in distress always looking to be saved or to find that one person to “complete” them. They tend to cling too hard, which has the reverse effect on those they are in relationships with. Their neediness usually pushes the very people they try to hold fast to, away.

Their anxious behaviors of push and pull tend to lead to a cycle that only further perpetuates their feelings of instability in a relationship regardless of the reality of that relationship. They become way too demanding and clingy and are often only possessive.

The anxious preoccupied attachment style is constantly looking for confirmation that their suspicions that someone doesn’t love them and will leave, are real. Looking for clues where there often aren’t any, they see their relationship from a different perspective and tend to create a whole lot of conflict continually with others.

# The Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style

Although we all have a need to be attached to other people, the dismissive avoidant attachment style acts as though they need no one. Instead, they put emotional distance between themselves and their partner intentionally.

They are only “pseudo-independent.” They often take on the controlling role of a parent in the relationship. Highly focused on themselves, their own basic needs come first at all costs, and they tend not form caring bonds with others.

The pseudo-independence, however, is only an illusion constructed because every human has a basic need to be attached to one another. But, the dismissive avoidant attachment style tends to lean more inward. Denying their need to be loved or to love any else.

They use defense mechanisms to protect themselves from the psychological feeling of being connected to another, often shutting down and shutting their partner out. Instead of reaching out when their partner is in need. They turn their emotions completely off and not react at all and say things like “I don’t care” if someone tells them they are hurt or need them.

# The Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

This individual lives in a constant flux state. Both afraid to be too distant and too close to someone at the same time. They work tirelessly to keep their emotions in check but are unable to.

When they can no longer shut their emotions off, they explode emotionally. They have unpredictable moods and send mixed signals. They believe that you should reach out to others to have your needs met. When they get too close to someone, they are fearful of being hurt. Then they push the other person away.

The fearful avoidant attachment style has no “plan of action” for getting their emotional needs met. In fact, they are in a constant state of anxiety, pulling and pushing other people away.

People with a fearful avoidant attachment style tend to have tumultuous relationships that are overly dramatic and with extreme highs and lows. So afraid of being abandoned, their struggle is automatic and subconscious. When they feel potential rejection, they cling to their partner harder. Then they feel smothered and push the other person away.