4 Key Ways To Maintain Happiness In Your Relationship

Based on my experience, the No. 1 reason couples disconnect is not because they’ve grown apart or are too busy but because they don’t invest the time and energy necessary to stay connected. Of course, many of the couples I speak to claim that they simply do not have time for quality couple time. While taking a vacation alone together or spending three or four hours out on a regular date night are lovely ideas, something simpler can work almost as well. I’ve found that couples who take 20 to 30 minutes to connect three times a week with no distractions and no electronic devices are able to build a greater bond and feel many of the benefits of those who invest more time.

As a first step, grab a glass of wine or a cup of tea and sit together on your porch or tucked into bed and just talk about things you are interested in or excited about. Avoid stressful discussions about money or dirty dishes left in the sink.

* Create rules of connection

When life gets busy, making plans to connect on a regular basis is key to reigniting and maintaining your intimate relationship. One couple I know cuddles every morning and every night they are together. This has become part of their routine, and even though sometimes they are both tired or rushed they set the alarm five minutes early or go to bed five minutes later to make sure that this happens. Another couple always walks the partner who is leaving to the car and gives a parting hug and kiss at the car door. This one extra minute of time is a nice way to connect before heading in separate directions.

* Build in spontaneity and adventure

While scheduled “together time” is important, you can also mix it up and keep things exciting with activities that are fun and spontaneous. Surprise your partner with a gourmet breakfast in bed. Crank up some great music and have an impromptu dance party in the middle of the kitchen. If you are more adventurous, train together for a marathon or try river rafting or bungee jumping as a weekend outing.

* Make flirtation and intimacy a priority

Send each other flirty texts or look through old photos of when you first met. Plan a date to go bowling or cruise Main Street to relive some of your first outings together. When it comes to sex and intimacy, find time for moments when you allow yourselves to get close physically—even if it is simply giving each other shoulder massages before bed. Couples always ask me about my view on scheduled intimacy, and I tell them that scheduled closeness is much better than no physical closeness at all!

* Be interesting and interested

One great way to connect with your partner is to be genuinely interested in what that person is thinking, feeling and doing. When your mate is in the mood to talk, ask questions, discuss favorite activities or what funny thing happened at work that day. Another great way to connect is to be interesting. Have a variety of topics to talk about, tell a great story about an experience you had in the past or in the present.