4 Signs That You Are In An Enmeshed Relationship

The concept of enmeshment is often difficult to understand in relationships. It is more than just being close to someone. When we fall in love, we often forget that we have to set boundaries. At some point, your likes and dislikes are challenged or your partner treats you differently from what you expected. But since you don’t want to lose the person, you forget to draw lines and invite future complications. This is what enmeshment in marriage or romantic relationships looks like.

Relationships – particularly familial ones – are supposed to be healthy and supportive. But when there is enmeshment, this special bond gets jeopardized. Take any enmeshed mother-daughter relationship for example. No matter how much love they share, daughters often end up resenting their mother’s involvement in their personal life due to enmeshed boundaries.

Consider enmeshment in romantic relationships. Oftentimes in an enmeshed dynamic, one partner feels like their identity is getting merged with the other. This loss of identity leads to unhealthy behaviors and imbalance in the relationship. Whether familial or romantic, enmeshment can occur on some level in every close relationship. The involved people end up smothering each other because they don’t know how to ask for and give personal space. In such cases, both the individuals need to work on their attachment style.

# You’ve lost your sense of self

If all your efforts are directed toward gaining your partner’s approval, you have lost your sense of identity in the relationship. As Geetarsh puts it, “You now belong to someone else. You feel dependent on your partner for happiness and, in extreme cases, even survival.”

One of the most glaring signs of an enmeshed relationship is when you find it hard to do anything without your partner, even the things that do not need any assistance. You just can’t imagine spending a day without your partner. There is a nagging fear when they leave the room that they won’t come back.

# Your loved ones are concerned about the relationship

Friends or family are concerned about your relationship. You don’t have many friends outside the enmeshed relationship. The relationship feels all-consuming, so there isn’t time for other people or activities. You feel anxious or uncomfortable when spending time away from your partner.

# You idealize your partner

Healthy relationships are about equal partnerships. The moment you put the other person on a pedestal, the balance is skewed. You will constantly need their validation and acceptance. When there is enmeshment in marriage, wives often make this mistake. They become so afraid of their husband’s judgment that they try to please them even when it hurts them emotionally, mentally, and physically.

# You feel responsible for your partner’s happiness

You feel responsible for another person’s feelings or problems. You think that if you don’t help, no one else will. You avoid conflicts with the other person. When disagreements do occur, they are very upsetting and difficult to resolve. They get jealous whenever other people approach you or spend time with you. They might have trouble respecting your personal space.