4 Things To Consider Before Deciding An Open Relationship Is Right For You And Your Partner

You’re in a committed relationship. You're in love. Still, like any long-term partnership, you suffer from ennui. Life together, particularly sex, has become a boring routine. So you can't help but yearn for something, or someone… different. Someone new. Maybe even that cute cashier at Whole Foods. You find yourself wondering if variety truly is the spice of life. And with half of marriages ending in divorce, you start to think those "swingers" are onto something. That maybe being "open" to an open relationship will, in fact, save your current relationship.

Actually, it's not so far-fetched. With some studies suggesting that between 30 to 60% of married individuals will engage in adultery at some point in their marriage (and not to mention that most marriages dissolve) it's clear that we’re having trouble with this whole monogamous thing.

So is it better to be upfront about your affairs to your partner than sneaking around and cheating on them? Can fulfilling your needs outside of your committed relationship ultimately save it?

# Decide on Your Arrangement

There are a number of non-monogamous arrangements out there, including attending sex parties together, swapping partners with another couple, dating other people, or entering a polyamorous relationship with multiple partners. It all depends on the needs and desires behind choosing a non-monogamous relationship that you and your partner have discussed together. You might even consider exploring a few different options until you find the one that suits your relationship. Above all, the arrangement must be consensual by both parties.

# Always Be Honest

Being truthful is vital to any relationship, particularly one that’s open. Whatever sexual arrangement you’ve decided upon, it must always start from a place of absolute honesty. If you have an attraction for someone else, it’s best to tell your partner about your feelings before anything else escalates. Then, if you decide to act upon your feelings, continue to be upfront with your partner. Tell her where you’re going and what you’re doing. An open relationship without transparency only leads to feelings of mistrust and hurt feelings. After all, it’s called “open” for a reason.

# It Can Deepen Intimacy

Having an open relationship can inject some much-needed fun and intimacy back into your relationship, while taking some of the pressure off. Respective needs can be met without demanding more than one partner can give or satisfy. “There can be a deep sense of relief in not having to be the sole source of sexual satisfaction, and this can lead to greater opportunities for intimacy and bonding,” sex therapist Dulcinea Pitagora told CNN. “Still others feel a sense of heightened sexual excitement hearing about their partners’ other sexual relationships.” An open relationship can also bring back that initial spark missing from your relationship, including novelty and excitement. Other couples report a deepening of communication since a non-monogamous relationship requires a lot of intimate sharing and discussion.

# Feelings of Fear and Jealousy Could Still Arise

Even if your open relationship is consensual, people are people. Meaning there are feelings of attachment involved that run the risk of being damaged within a non-monogamous arrangement. Feelings of jealousy could come up when a partner hooks up with another person. Thoughts like, “Is she prettier/skinnier/smarter than me?” can easily turn into arguments, breeding an environment of mistrust and resentment, which won’t bode well for your existing relationship.