5 Practical Ways To Bring More People Into Your Life

When you're young, you're yourself. By our 30's, most of us are raising small children and building a career. And when you marry, have children, and/or pursue a career, you become other people in addition to yourself. You're not just your core self anymore.

Career and family will devour the vast majority of your energy and time. You will "lose" yourself for a while. Even the time and energy devoted to our marriages will decline as the "cannot put this off" demands of young children and career take center stage. Unfortunately, many couples decide at this point that they have really "grown apart" and that a change of spouse is in order. Sometimes such a change is needed. But often, just time and patience are required an understanding that you will return to each other as the demands of career and children begin to subside.

* Go out and look for conspecifics

A "conspecific" is someone who is like you, or more precisely, like one or more parts of you. If you're a parent, that means other parents. If you're a bookkeeper, that means other bookkeepers. If you're a jogger, that means other joggers. You get the idea.

Think about what you like to do. Put yourself in a place where you’ll be surrounded by people who share your interests. Find a biking group that meets on Saturdays and go even if you’re tired.

* Accept invitations, even if you don't want to go

Even if you're tired, even if you think you're going to be bored, just get up and go. Once there, refer to point 1.

* Appreciate that what people look for in a friend has changed

Most simply, people just want company. They really don't care if you are funny, entertaining, smart, interesting, or have really cool opinions. They just want to be with people who seem to like being with other people and are open to being with them.

* Appreciate that social relationships in business are based on rank and power

In order to build a career, it is necessary to form social connections to other people in your field or place of business. And those who hold high ranking positions or otherwise wield power are also those who can make or break careers. Don't be surprised or put off by the fact that these people are most often the targets of social connection, and don't be surprised if you find yourself pursued in this way as your status rises. These connections serve a purpose in your career like other connections do in other aspects of your life. Everyone needs successful mentors and well wishers as they build a career. Just be sure to pay it forward as you rise.

* Social Connections

For women in particular, thinking this way often requires a quite dramatic shift. Women seek friendships primarily for emotional connection, and for this reason, the ending of a friendship can be as traumatic as a divorce. But as we mature, we need to undergo a subtle shift in the way we think about friendship. We need to think not in terms of emotional sustenance but in terms of social connections for the diverse roles you yourself now play.