5 Questions To Ask Before Dumping A Cheating Partner

Cheating on someone is never, in any situation, a good thing to do. Sure, you’ve probably read the stories about how A cheated on B and how it brought them even closer together etc., but for the majority of us normal human beings, being cheated on by a loved one is nothing short of devastating.

In this situation, a typical reaction would be to throw all their possessions out of the front door, change the locks and telephone all mutual friends to begin your campaign of vengeful terror against them. Either that, or crawl into the corner of a darkened room, adopt the fetal position and cry yourself to sleep. However, before ensuing upon the usual knee-jerk course of action and throwing their asses out in the street, you may want to think about whether the relationship is worth saving or not.

# When did they do it?

You could argue that this isn’t particularly important. Cheating is cheating, after all. But if the dirty deed was done quite some time ago, perhaps the very earliest stages of the relationship, with months or even years of coupled bliss in the interim period, then it might well be worth thinking twice about bringing the relationship to an end.

You could have felt quite differently about each other then. Perhaps it’s a relationship that blossomed later in time, rather than at the very beginning. However, if it happened the day before yesterday, then there isn’t much of a get-out clause available.

# Will it happen again?

This is a difficult one. Of course, the offending partner will protest against this one, unless they have balls the size of a small battleship, and there is little to indicate the truth of this. It would be nice to possess a crystal ball, but unfortunately most of us must rely on hindsight. The only real advice that can be given on this one is to weigh up the circumstances.

If there are factors in their favor, such as a lack of sex, a ton of communication problems and so on, then you may be inclined to believe their protestations. However, if things in the relationship have been pretty good on the whole, and they still went out and cheated, who’s to say it won’t happen again.

# Did they ‘fess up?

There’s a lot to be said for someone who confesses the more insidious of their extra-curricular activities. It tells us three things. Firstly, that they have the courage of their convictions, and that’s an admirable quality in itself. Secondly, that you obviously mean so much to them, that it has been preying upon their minds and torturing them with guilt. Thirdly, that they’re an honest person whom you can possibly trust, when they tell you it won’t happen again. Definitely worth keeping in mind, although ultimately the decision is up to you.

# Was it just physical?

Again, the “she/he didn’t mean anything” card doesn’t really account for much. However, and I almost hesitate to put this forward, if it was one of those situations where they’ve been out on an office party, got a bit tipsy and some office sleaze or slapper has broken them down enough to get their wicked way, then it might be worth just rethinking the whole separation thing.

If that particular act of infidelity occurred on the back of a developing romantic relationship, well, that’s an entirely different kettle of fish.

# How many times have they done it?

Was this the first time that you’ve found out about your other half cheating on you? Has it happened before? If the answer is yes, then I’m afraid you may be involved with a serial adulterer. They may protest against your insistence that it will happen again, and they may throw themselves at your feet and declare their undying love for you – and in their minds that would all be true.

However, the serial adulterer suffers from certain emotional imbalances, usually relating to abandonment issues, and the problem will not go away. Unless they can commit to getting psychological help, and you are willing to help them through, and it may not pay dividends even then, then the only remaining sensible course of action is to walk away.