5 Reasons You Do Not Feel Good Enough For Your Partner

What is the feeling of not being good enough for someone? Well, there are two facets to inadequacy. Firstly, the individual in question places their partner on a pedestal. The partner is perceived to be flawless; their negative qualities are minimized and positive magnified. And secondly, the individual struggles with low self-esteem or an inferiority complex. They focus on their weaknesses rather than strengths. These two combined result in a lot of stress and constant worrying in the relationship.

There are many factors involved when someone feels like they aren’t enough for their partner. It’s essential to investigate these feelings. The person must ask, “Why is this happening? Which experiences have led me to this juncture where I am battling insecurity in the relationship?” Once the reason has been established, it becomes much easier to tackle the problem.

# It’s not them, it’s you

The word we’re looking for is projection. There’s a solid chance that what you’re feeling has little do with your partner or something they’re doing. Dr. Bhonsle explains, “Many a time, people feel inadequate for someone when they are actually struggling with low self-esteem from within. They don’t feel good enough by themselves because of how their life has turned out in one regard or another.

“And low self-esteem has a sinister quality; it spreads to all areas of your life. If a person has taken a hit at work, for instance, those feelings do not remain confined to the professional sphere only. So trace them to their origin; what you’re feeling about the relationship could have seeped in from elsewhere.” Think about what is causing you to experience these emotions. Are you someone who usually struggles with low self-esteem issues? Look in the right place and you’ll find the right answer.

# Why am I not good enough for my boyfriend?” No place like home

A wise man once said, “What’s past is prologue.” Your upbringing, your childhood, and the relationship you share with your parents are decisive influences that shape your equations as an adult. Think about the institutions in your life – home, school, college, etc. How did they impact your self-image? Bullying, fat-shaming, name-calling, and abuse can cause lasting damage. Ditto with toxic parents or siblings.

A strained or tumultuous history with either parent can spell trouble in your present relationship. A reader from Omaha wrote, “I was a victim of child abuse perpetrated by my father. For the longest time, I convinced myself that it was in the past. But each relationship that ended badly, had me wondering, “Why am I not good enough for my boyfriend?” An ex pointed out that I was carrying a lot of emotional baggage and it struck a chord with me. I decided it was time to address my past relationships, recalibrate and work certain things out in therapy.”

# (Love) card declined

Alternatively, fear of rejection could be the reason you’re feeling not good enough for him or her. If you’ve experienced failure in love before, it is normal to have negative thoughts like “I am not good” and you’ll think of your partner as a flight risk. That they’re better than you and will leave if given the chance.

Consequently, you might find yourself walking on eggshells around them, trying to do everything right, hoping to find no signs he thinks you’re not good enough or she thinks she is out of your league. Is it a surprise that thoughts like “Why do I constantly feel like I’m not good enough for my boyfriend?” or “I feel like I’m not good enough for her” follow?

# Flashback Friday

Breakups have the power to distort our perspective on love, life, and ourselves. A bad dating history can be the root of your relationship insecurity. An ex that manipulated, gaslighted or abused you could have shaped your psyche in such a way that anything you do is never good enough for him or anyone else.

What you felt in the previous relationship could have been carried forward to this one. Dr. Bhonsle says, “Our lives aren’t organized into watertight compartments, so things spill over and get messy. When a partner makes you feel not good enough constantly, that experience can cause deep-seated fears in your mind and continue to haunt your future relationships. This often happens when someone is cheated on by their partner; the self-esteem suffers and trust issues crop up swiftly.”

# Manipulation at play

It would be unwise to dismiss the possibility of a manipulative partner. We know how intense a power struggle in a relationship can get. Therefore, your (not-so) better half could be trying to establish their dominance by portraying that they’re obliging you by dating you. Dr. Bhonsle says, “There’s always a chance that you’re being gaslighted by your partner. They will try to make you adhere to an ideal yardstick and you’ll always fall short on some parameters, constantly making you feel like you are not good enough.”

# Manipulation at play

It would be unwise to dismiss the possibility of a manipulative partner. We know how intense a power struggle in a relationship can get. Therefore, your (not-so) better half could be trying to establish their dominance by portraying that they’re obliging you by dating you. Dr. Bhonsle says, “There’s always a chance that you’re being gaslighted by your partner. They will try to make you adhere to an ideal yardstick and you’ll always fall short on some parameters, constantly making you feel like you are not good enough.”