5 Stages To Keep In Mind Of A Dying Marriage

You’re unhappy in your marriage and it’s been that way for a long time. You’re stuck in the stages of a dying marriage, but uncertain about where you stand and what you can do about it. You’re thinking, “Gosh, my marriage is making me depressed” and wondering if you’re stuck forever.

To recognize the signs of a dying marriage is to take a long, hard look at a relationship that’s closest to your heart and a life you’ve built with someone you once loved dearly and perhaps still do. To dismantle a marriage is to let go of a part of your life that held you up and formed a major part of your identity.

# One or both of you is always digging up the past

No one comes into a marriage or a relationship with a completely clean slate. We’ve all got our share of emotional baggage and we’ve all brought up past errors and insults in a fight. It’s just one of the weapons we use in relationships.

But, if the past has encroached upon your present relationship so much so that you can no longer envision a future together, that’s definitely one of the signs your marriage is over. If everything you say to one another is a passive-aggressive allusion to past mistakes etc., well then, maybe it’s time to take a break.

# There has been infidelity

Let’s be clear – infidelity doesn’t always spell doom for a relationship. Marriages can survive it, in fact, there may be cases where healing from infidelity makes a marriage stronger. But these aren’t exactly the norm.

If there is infidelity in your marriage from one or both sides, it’s probably because something is missing, or one of you or bored/unhappy with the marriage. While this is something that can be worked out, it could also be one of the signs of a dying marriage. Whether you choose to revive it or not is entirely up to you.

# Fights for no reason

The healthiest of relationships have fights and disagreements. But one of the biggest differences in healthy vs unhealthy relationships or marriages is that fights become spiteful and bitter in the latter. Unhealthy fights occur for absolutely no reason other than a need to bring our partner down.

Think about it. Have there been recurrent fights simply because you wanted to be mean and hurt your partner? Was there any reason for any of the fights? Well then, you’re fighting for no reason and that is one of the signs your marriage is over.

# Verbal and/or physical abuse

Repeat after me: Abuse is not okay. And you do not have to take it. Also, not all abuse is the physical kind that leaves visible marks and scars on you. Emotional and verbal abuse is just as scarring and painful as physical abuse. And it is important that we recognize this.

If any form of abuse has crept into your marriage, there is no need to stay and try to forgive or mend it. Abuse is a sign that you need to walk out and get to a safe space as soon as possible, turning your back on your dying, abusive marriage.

# You’re lonely in your marriage

This is such a subtle, insidious sign of a dying marriage that it tends to be overlooked all the time. We’re not talking about being on your own and giving each other healthy and much-needed space in a marriage. This is loneliness at its worst because even though you’ve joined your life to someone else’s in every way possible, you’re still lonely.

Being lonely in a marriage is when you carry the burden of the relationship on your own. Be it raising kids or planning family vacations, it all comes down to your solitary self. That’s not okay and it is a sign of a dying marriage.