5 Things To Know About Divorce

Deciding to end a marriage is one of the most difficult decisions that a couple can choose to make. The situation becomes even more heart wrenching when children are involved. Unless abuse and neglect are involved, most counsellors would suggest trying to work together to save the marriage if you have a family together.

However, if ultimately, you decide that you are unable to create a healthy, peaceful, positive and nurturing family environment with each other and you decide that divorce is better than staying together; you need to be aware of some of the realities which divorce can bring. Whilst they are not insurmountable, it is helpful to be aware of them and to prepare yourself emotionally, financially and physically.

# Your Life Will Change

This is a simple fact. The decision to get a divorce already indicates that you want your life to change, but it changes more than you may think. Before a divorce, most people think that the main change they will experience is the removal of their spouse from the picture. But, the longer you’ve been married and if you have kids together, the greater the changes you will experience.

# Things Will Get Tougher Financially

Getting a divorce is always a net expense to the family. The simple mechanics of having to maintain 2 separate households will already add cost to the equation. If one spouse used to stay home to care for the kids and now can no longer do so due to work, then you can expect child care costs to increase. If either of you remarries, then the cost of maintaining 2 families will be a major financial commitment.

# Expect Some Custody Issues

Unless the circumstances are unusual, you will likely have to share custody with your ex-spouse. So you’ll need to get used to days when the kids are no longer with you. In many divorces however, custody turns into an acrimonious issue as neither parent is willing to trust the other with raising and forming the value systems for their children. If you are citizens of different countries and if one of you is planning to leave Singapore and relocate permanently, then you will have cross-border custody concerns.

#Your Ex Will Still be a Part of Your Life

The belief that you will be “finally free” of your spouse, is just that, a myth. If you have kids together, then even if you stop being “husband and wife”, you will still continue to be “mummy and daddy”. If you are entitled to alimony or if you are responsible for alimony payments, then you will continue to have to work and set aside money for your spouse.

# It Will Affect Your Kids Emotionally

This is the one thing which most divorcing couples are most worried about and rightly so. Even though your decision to divorce has nothing to do with your kids, they will still wonder why you couldn’t make your marriage work. They will go through feelings of depression, low self-esteem and anxiety. The changes in their living circumstances will affect them as well. If you have to move out of your family home, if you no longer can afford the same lifestyle you used to have, if daddy or mummy moves to another country, if some of the friends they used to play with are no longer part of your social circle, if kids at school ask why daddy or mummy never shows up anymore, any and all of these situations are deeply distressing for kids.