5 Things You Must Consider When All You Think Is 'Nothing Make Me Happy'

Firstly, much of what I share can’t be fully put into words. It’s something you actually need to experience. If you feel like nothing makes you happy, consider this feature my attempt to create a proxy that points you towards the right direction, rather than a step-by-step advice manual on finding happiness if you have none.

I feel somewhat qualified to talk about this topic because I spent around 10+ years stuck in negative-thought loops, crippling anxiety, and a fuzz of depression, which I pulled myself out of. I’ve also written books on the subject and mentored others moving beyond anxiety.

Now I’m not saying achieving things isn’t important. It just misses the point.

"Being happy is something you already are. You get there by realizing you are already there." –JulienHimself

With that said, here's what you want to consider when all you think is "nothing make me happy."

# Giving up the fight

You’d think trying to get over depression by fighting it would be the way to beat it. I don’t think this is true. People love their story even if it’s painful and hurts them. This is because it’s familiar and self-validating to tell yourself a unique story of why your life sucks and how it’s a big problem.

It’s harder to just let go of the urge to focus on the feelings of self-pity. I know I spent years thinking about how bad I felt, which got me nowhere.

Ironically, the more I focused on doing and trying to get better the more it fed my negative-thought loops with attention. Focusing instead on the present moment *with moments where you make future goals that you write down* is a much better direction to pour your attention.

Even when you work on a big dissertation, you choose to focus on each step bit by bit, rather than looking ahead at your score or on some worrying thought about something that happened earlier in the day.

# Getting into the now

Ever said to yourself ‘why can’t I just stop obsessing?’ It was as if you talked about some part of you that is you yet separate from you. This is your thinking mind.

Your thinking mind may be incredibly good at creating problems and repetitive thoughts and feelings. It may constantly worry about the past and be fearful of the future, so you no longer appreciate the beauty of the present moment and even leads to you feeling nothing at all.

Spending time dis-identifying with the thinking mind shows you the difference between you and your habituated thought patterns.

I can’t word this any better—reading/listening to the likes of The Power Of Now gives you a solid realization of what the present moment is. You learn how to observe your own negative thought patterns without trying to force them away. Also, meditating around 20 minutes daily is a fantastic practice.

# Accepting that it will be a bitch to overcome negative thought habits

Know someone who when something bad happens to them they deal with it or sort of laugh it off and move on? That person’s baseline level of how good they usually feel is maybe a seven or eight out of 10.

But if you’re stuck in a pattern of negative thoughts and feelings, you’re the reverse. So maybe you’re usually a two or three out of 10. So even if you get a spike of good feelings that pushes you to say a five or even a 10 out of 10, it eventually falls back to baseline.

I think it’s important to accept that this habit will be very, very difficult to get over. But you naturally find your baseline increase if you just have faith. You can’t make a number for how long it will take to get to a good baseline. It may take two months. Or two years. Just trust the process and you’ll make incremental progress bit by bit.

# Understanding negative thought loops are an addiction

Just think of online trolls who can’t stop feeding on the negativity and drama. The longer you’ve been depressed, the deeper your negative-thought loop groove will be. It’s like your grumpy granddad who can only maintain a sense of appreciation for a few hours at a time, before he finds something to complain vehemently about.

Your body does anything to try and put you back into that habituated frame of mind. Things like daily five-minute gratitude journals get your mind to practice a new habit that replaces your old ones over time.

# Choosing to accept suffering

All humans innately experience suffering because life is difficult. But how you face this suffering makes all the difference in the world. This is the difference between:

Living in fear and playing it safe.