6 Things You Should Avoid Doing After Breakup

Breakups. Whether you “consciously uncoupled” or were heartlessly dumped out of the blue, any kind of parting ways can sting. There are healthy ways to deal with your grief, which is real and vaild, but there are also things that can trip you up and postpone healing. Don’t lose heart: you will move on in time, find a love better suited for you, and all of this will be a memory. In the meantime, when mourning the end of a relationship, be sure to avoid the following “don’ts” of breakup etiquette, which can just end up harming you more.

# Pretend you’re fine

Let yourself mourn. Cry. Punch a pillow. Journal. Surround yourself with friends who listen. The temptation may be to pretend you’re unaffected by the breakup; don’t let pride get in the way of being real. You don’t have to sob at the office, but take some quiet moments to reflect and be honest with yourself. It’s okay to be angry, hurt or humiliated. It’s healthier to express yourself honestly than grow numb.

# Try to be “just friends”

Very rarely can a breakup lead to a solid friendship, and until you’re okay with the idea of your ex dating someone new — and vice versa — you’re not ready to be pals. Create intentional space for a while and let yourself mourn the end of the relationship. If your ex is pushing for friendship, stand your ground if you’re uncomfortable with the idea. Right now, you’re not looking for a friend who looks exactly like the person who broke your heart.

# Seek revenge

Don’t key his car, kidnap his cat, or destroy his stuff. And never, ever do something that could land you in legal trouble. (If you share the lease, deal with it like responsible adults. Don’t lock him out.) The thrill of revenge only feeds bitterness and hatred. You may have been deeply wronged, but “getting even” won’t heal any wounds. Forgive and move on. Carry your head high and spend your energy on people who deserve it.

# Communicate

You broke up last week, but you still “have thoughts” you want to process with the ex. You pick up your phone. Something makes you laugh on your way to work. Your first instinct? Text your ex about it. Don’t. There will be times when it’s important to communicate with an ex. Maybe you need to return his things. Maybe you have to deal with a shared lease or pet custody. Resist the urge, however, to call or text whenever you would have when you were still dating.

# Going out and finding a new Relationship

After a break up there’s a lot of emotional baggage you’ll need to sort through, this isn’t the time to go and dump that baggage on someone else. Okay, that sounds really mean and horrible but it’s true. It’s so tempting to prove that you’re okay by going out and finding a new relationship. But, if you haven’t dealt with your previous relationship or had a break from being in a relationship, your chances of repeating the same mistakes are really high.

# Facebook-stalk your ex.

Social media can be dangerous when dealing with heartache. Give yourself two rules: Don’t post anything about the breakup drama online, no matter how vague, and resist the urge to stalk your ex. “Defriending” or at least hiding statuses can help you avoid the constant temptation to check in and see if your ex is living a life more miserable or worse, more awesome than yours.