5 Tips To Avoid Relationship Paranoia

All human beings have insecurities and anxieties. In every aspect of our lives we find something to worry about… our jobs, our health, our families, our friendships. What’s more, we can’t help but really delve into our everyday anxieties.

We analyze the causes, the underlying factors, and the what-ifs. We speculate about every possible outcome of the situation that concerns us, regardless of how ridiculous it may seem. Humans are pretty negative beings. We expect the worst… it’s in our nature. We are all slightly paranoid.

We are no different in our relationships. Even if it’s running smoothly and you’re happy, what if things change? You’re constantly on the lookout for signs of failure. What if your partner cheats? What if they leave you? If heartbreak is a possibility, you want to prepare for it. It’s all about self preservation!

# Choose positivity over negativity

We often tend towards negative thoughts when we are feeling paranoid and insecure. It’s a defense mechanism. We subconsciously prepare ourselves for the worst possible situation, but in doing so, we cause ourselves unnecessary stress because our worries are almost never true.

So, if we attempt to dismiss our negative thoughts and choose more rational thinking, we stand a chance of combatting our paranoia. Try to look to positivity unless you have a real reason to do otherwise! Choose to take your partner at their word, rather than making negative assumptions about the things they say or do.

Take your worry or concern and try your utmost to turn it into a positive thought. If you are usually concerned when your partner is out without you, try focusing your emotional energies on hoping that they have a good time rather than worrying that they might be doing something untoward.

# Don’t make assumptions!

So, your partner isn’t replying to your messages, you might assume that they are losing interest, maybe they are mad at you for some reason, or perhaps they are hiding something…

The truth is, you can’t be sure that any of these thoughts are true, so why worry? More often than not, there is a simple explanation, and when all becomes clear, you will wonder what you were worrying about in the first place!

It is more likely that their phone has run out of battery or it’s on silent. Always give your partner the benefit of the doubt and assume that there is a simple explanation before you make assumptions about their behavior.

# Don’t read between the lines

One of the main causes of my own paranoia are the times when my boyfriend is quieter than usual or acting “different” in some manner. He might be behaving less affectionate than usual, or isn’t as responsive in conversation. I often deduce that I must have done something wrong, or that he is less interested in me today than he was yesterday. When I ask him what’s wrong, he either says “nothing” or explains that he’s tired. But, I still can’t help but read between the lines, something must be the matter!

It’s easy to forget that we all have mood swings, we all have bad days, and we can all be irritable when we are tired! Yes, body language is an important tool for communication, but if your partner is quieter and more closed off than usual, you shouldn’t instantly surmise that it is something that you have done.

Ask about their well being, and if they tell you that they are tired or have simply had a bad day, take their word for it. If you interrogate them for the imaginary underlying reasons for their behavior, they are only going to feel more irritable!

# Turn off your phone and computer

You may think that constant texts will give you comfort when you are feeling paranoid or have concerns about your relationship. In truth, they are not helpful at all. You’ll just appear needy, which may even push your partner away.

If you spend hours “stalking” your partner’s social network profiles, you are only feeding your own anxieties. You are subconsciously looking for incriminating evidence, which is completely counter productive! And then, when you find nothing at all, you wonder what they could be hiding.

Remember, space is important, give each other room to be individuals. You don’t have to be involved in each other’s lives, 24 hours a day. Put the phone down or close your laptop. Take a time out. Promise yourself not to text or look at a social networking site for a set period of time.

When you create boundaries for yourself, you might expect to feel vulnerable and helpless, but you’ll actually start to feel more empowered and free.

# Distract yourself

When you are at home worrying about what your partner may or may not be doing on a night out with their friends, are you actually just jealous that your partner is having fun without you?

Accept that you are not the only person in your partner’s life, in the same way that they are not the only person in your own! We are all influenced by so many people in our lives. Friends are important for both of you, and it is important to spend time with them.

If your partner is out with their friends, why not go out with your own? It’s far better than sitting at home creating unrealistic scenarios in your head. Distract yourself, forget about your worries and exchange stories with your partner afterwards.