5 Tips To Help You Console A Friend Who Is Grieving

When a friend is grieving the loss of a loved one, it's easy to feel helpless. Sometimes we think we're doing the right thing by trying to cheer them up, pointing out the positives or letting them know that they should try to move on.

Well-intentioned as we may be, those efforts tend to put pressure on them and leave them feeling invalidated. Instead, here's how to comfort someone and support your friend in times of need.

* Let go of time expectations

The person grieving may struggle for longer than expected. If this happens, regardless of how frustrating or frightening it may be for you, let them grieve for however long they need, knowing you won't judge them for it.

* Recognize the stages of grief

Most people suffering a loss will go through these stages, often in no particular order and sometimes repeating stages: denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. Each one is healthy and necessary.The more familiar you are with these stages, the better equipped you'll be in learning how to help a grieving friend and offer support.

* Recognize the variables to grief

One person's grief is never the same as another's. Variables include the cause and length of death, the personal resiliency of the grieving person, what their previous experiences have been, how large their support network is and their relationship to the person lost.

* Resist telling them how strong they are

We are often inclined to praise the person who appears to be coping stoically with a loss. The problem is that we need to allow them to be human and vulnerable sometimes, too. After all, there's strength in letting out your emotions from time to time.

* Offer the bereaved ways to memorialize

Funerals and memorial services work to give support and closure to the bereaved. We can also memorialize in other ways, like planting trees, writing letters or having remembrance gatherings.