5 Tips To Make Your Parents Stop Fighting

Work, bills, general exhaustion there are a number of things that can cause couples to fight. And when you add kids to the mix, the stakes and stress are even higher. No parent wants to argue in front of their child, but thanks to the added pressure and costs (and a whole lot less sleep!) that come with parenthood, it happens. But here’s a little secret: Not all fights that occur in front of the kids are detrimental. In fact, there are valuable lessons that come from witnessing a constructive, productive argument that results in resolution.

It’s not surprising that families are fighting while being sequestered in their homes. Many are stuck together in tight quarters as parents try to work and manage home life simultaneously. There is also, of course, the real threat of illness, and it’s not clear when we’ll be safe again to leave our homes and freely socialize in person with others in our communities.

* Start with empathy

Compassion and understanding can go a long way to bridge the gap between family members. Acknowledge that this situation is, indeed, challenging, and how it may be tough for each family member. Consider everyone’s perspective.

Listen to what your children are saying to you about their frustrations. When arguments ensue, read between the lines. You might tell your kids, “I can imagine that it’s been difficult for you to be out of your routine and not be able to see your friends.” Acknowledge the challenges of having to stay home, make sure to cut everyone some slack and remind your kids that you’re all in this together.

* Plan a family meeting to discuss triggering issues and solutions

Are your kids leaving wrappers on the counter after you just cleaned? Is your daughter listening to loud music when you're trying to work from home?

These occurrences, while perhaps not a big deal on a single snow day, become much more significant when we’re home together for weeks or months. Call a family meeting to discuss, as kindly as possible, the needs of each family member, the challenge that is triggering them and possible solutions to each problem.

* Carve out space for each family member

As people have been getting more and more used to cyberspace with its unlimited elbow room, bumping up against one another in small quarters for extended periods of time can leave many on edge. According to Michael Graziano, neuroscientist and author of “The Spaces Between Us: A Story of Neuroscience, Evolution, and Human Nature,” what he describes as “peripersonal space” is essentially a buffer around us that has a profound impact on how we react toward one another, especially if it’s not respected.

* Plan to have fun together as a family and allow for alone time as well

Some arguments among family members stem from children wanting attention and to play. It’s important for families to balance the needs of parents and children, including work and school demands, with the desire to come together or play alone.

* Engage in stress-reducing activities

We all need to blow off steam and fill our buckets even when we are cooped up inside. Whether running or riding a bike, meditation, gardening in the yard, drawing or dancing, make sure it’s part of the day. During this pandemic, virtual classes are provided for every interest from doodling to virtual Jazzercise, gymnastics, martial arts and yes, full-out workouts for mom or dad.