5 Tips To Make Your Step Family A Success

Disciplining the children may be the number one issue among blended families, but anger is the villain causing most of the discipline problems. You can bet that almost everyone in a blended family is mad at someone or someone is mad at them. Stepmoms are mad because they are treated like dirt or like the maid. Stepdads are mad because all they seem to be good for is paying the bills. Kids are mad because one of their parents is gone, sometimes forever. Children in the blended family are especially angry because they have been ‘ripped.’ They are hurt, and often they want to hurt back. Keeping stepfamilies together is tough. Very tough. But you can survive and thrive!

Here are 5 keys to stepfamily success.

* Believe

Begin the marriage, begin the new school year, begin each week, begin the beginnings of every new day…begin every interaction from the foundational assumption that, “These are my kids, all of them, and this is a family I believe in.”

* Lose the step-moniker

A well-known celebrity once famously said: “I have four children, two of them are adopted, but I never remember which ones.” He may have fudged the absolute truth on his statement, but the spirit of the idea is clear.

* Work out a family contract

Agree on protocols together and include the kids in the discussion. Include such items as, “When Jim married mom we started a new kind of family. We know it’s not easy but we all choose to respect one another. We choose to love one another. We choose to listen before we react. We choose to be honest about how we’re feeling etc.

* Schedule a weekly family meeting

“Bruce” shares the following tip. “The family meeting does a bunch of good things. It keeps conversation alive. It evens the playing field. It tells all the kids we value their input. It helps schedule important events. It usually provides some great laughs. It says, loud and clear—‘We’re going to make this family work!’”

* Be proactive about family time, make it happen

We honor our commitments to work, so why not make family time ironclad too? Things like stepfamilies don’t work themselves out by chance and without considerable effort. Being deliberate about family time must be a top-tier priority.