5 Tips To Tame The Temper In A Relationship

Even if one accepts the fact that it is normal to feel angry in a relationship, there is no denying the fact that it is an exceedingly unpleasant place to be in. Besides, the way most couples channel these emotions is what causes anger issues in a relationship to turn chronic.

The bottom line is that anger in itself is not the problem. It is the inability to control anger and draw the line between fighting fair in a relationship and dealing low blows that’s problematic. That’s when anger damages relationships. Don’t exhibit your frustration in a relationship in such a way that it makes your partner tiptoe around you.

# Don’t direct your rage at your partner

Never act or speak while in the throes of anger. Wait for 20 minutes before reacting. Take deep breaths and sit down in a comfortable spot. Once you feel your breathing normalizing, reimagine the situation that triggered your temper. Then ask yourself, if your emotional response was/is legitimate and reasonable.

Of course, it takes a great deal of self-control and practice to be able to contain your angry emotions within. Here are a few actionable steps you may follow to get started:

- You could experiment with different ways to diffuse anger such as taking a walk, turning up some music, baking, and stepping out for some fresh air

- Distance yourself from the situation that angered you

- If your partner is demanding an answer from you right that very instant, try to calmly make him/her understand that you need some personal space to better process the situation

- If you get angry quickly, things will go from bad to worse. Indulging in an activity that brings you joy and happiness can help you center your mind and process your feelings more pragmatically.

# Understand why you feel angry

If the answer to the above is yes, then make a list (by yourself) about why you felt/feel the way you do. Read it out loud to yourself. Does that make sense? To fix anger issues in a relationship, first, you have got to identify the triggers which in particular provoke you to lose control over your rational senses and say hurtful things to your partner.

Overreacting when you’re full of rage at your partner is not completely unheard of. We’ve all been in situations where someone’s actions or words triggered us unreasonably because we attached unnecessary meaning to them. Or interpreted them with the baggage of our own prejudices and preconceived notions.

# Talk it out with your partner

Even if your reasons for feeling angry do not make sense to you after you’ve had a chance to process your emotions, reach out to your partner. There is hardly a problem out there that can’t be solved with the right intent and proper communication, a key to conflict resolution strategy in relationships. But to take that first step and open up about your adverse emotions is the real task.

Ask your partner when is a good time for you to talk to them about something important that matters to you. Try and mutually agree upon a time that is reasonable to both of you. Own your part in aggravating a situation or reacting in a less-than-pleasant manner. After all, that’s what fighting fair in a relationship is all about.

# Communicate effectively

One of the key elements of the “how to control anger in a relationship” puzzle is to communicate effectively. When you’re angry and hurting, communication hurdles can get amplified manifold. Especially, if you’re speaking to prove a point, win an argument, or score over the other. Once you sit down to discuss, address each of your points with each other and give your partner the opportunity to explain their side of the argument. Let them finish what they have to say.

# Express disagreements calmly

Express your disagreements, if there are any, only after you have heard each other out for every point you listed. This allows you to approach your differences in a calm, collected, and matter-of-fact way and diffuse a potentially volatile situation. If you fret over the "anger is ruining my relationship" realization, a simple change in how you approach disagreements can make a huge difference.