5 Ways To De-Escalate An Argument With Your Partner

Even in the happiest of relationships, there will be conflict. Sometimes it is a small disagreement; other times it feels like it could turn into an all out battle. Arguing with someone you care about is not easy or fun, and sometimes it feels like a seemingly unstoppable train moving full speed ahead.Most of us could give long lists of ways to escalate an argument: finger-pointing, blaming, being verbally abusive, etc. But often in times of stress we lack the tools to figure out how to turn an argument around and avoid the conflict or at least cool it down.

Ideally, arguments should be about listening, being heard, compromise and solving problems. They should not be about winning, one-ups-man-ship or scorching your partner with insults or accusations.These tips will help you get through arguments in healthy and constructive ways:

* Stay alert

Watch for the danger signals that let you know you are headed into an argument to begin with. Things like criticizing, blaming, making statements such as "you always" and "you never," the raising of voices, nasty language or trying to assert power over the other person are all clear indicators that a fight is brewing.

* Take a breathe

If you are the one who initiated the argument: take some time to cool off, gather your thoughts, and address your partner with the intention of getting your point across without things getting heated. Try to focus on communicating instead of "letting your partner have it," or "making him or her pay." If you realize that the discussion is taking a turn for the worse, suggest taking a break and starting things up again later.

* Listen with respect

If you are on the receiving end of an angry litany, let your partner know that you want to hear what he or she has to say and that you do not wish to argue. Attempt to listen in a respectful and interested way, indicating that you are trying to understand his or her point of view even if you do not agree.

* Keep priorities straight

Whichever end of the argument you find yourself on, always be respectful and kind. Remember, you love this person.

* Avoid sounding like a broken record

Even if you have a legitimate complaint, catch yourself and make sure you don’t repeat that complaint over and over again. Say your piece, try to solve the problem and move on. If you feel that you are not being heard or understood, try expressing yourself in a new way.