5 Ways You Can Deal With A Jealous Daughter In Law
By: Kratika Tue, 24 Jan 2023 3:59:37
We’ve all heard about the jealous and manipulative mother-in-law, but what about the signs of a jealous daughter-in-law who refuses to share her husband with his own parents? As a result, you may end up with an estranged son due to your daughter-in-law. You also see her exhibiting many signs of a controlling daughter-in-law because she always wants things to go her way.
Daughter-in-law problems are a common household issue, and something that every family goes through. When you have an unfriendly daughter-in-law, it becomes difficult to understand what she wants out of the family and the overall adjustment takes longer than usual. You might even start to worry that she could be the reason you lose your son forever.
# Accept your son’s choice
Many times daughters-in-law become jealous and controlling when they see that their in-laws haven’t totally accepted them as a part of the family. Remember the film Monster-In-Law? Things became so much easier for the MIL-DIL when they accepted each other wholeheartedly.
You need to understand that your daughter-in-law is your son’s choice and she is now a part of the family. Make her feel loved and accepted. She has just entered the family, and is probably worried about impressing the in-laws too. There’s so much more to know about her. If your son chose to marry her, then it is because she made him happy. Accept that instead of looking for the signs of a bad daughter-in-law.
# Be kind to your jealous daughter-in-law
Even though you’ve seen the signs your daughter-in-law is manipulative, you need to be as composed as you can possibly be. During the initial days of her transition and adjusting to the new family, your daughter-in-law may start acting out and show signs of resistance. It just gets difficult for some people to adjust to their new surroundings and she may be one of them. Adopting an entirely new way of life is not easy. The people and surroundings are unfamiliar and daunting.
The details of routine vary from family to family. Something as little as coffee drinking habits create a sense of unfamiliarity. She’s trying to register and process this newness, let her settle in.
# Try to be her friend
Except for your son, she doesn’t actually know anyone else in the family. So you want to help her understand the family better when you are visiting her or she is visiting you. Be the route through which she can get to know the family better.
Being her friend and confidant will help her understand that you don’t threaten her relationship with your son. Focus on strengthening your relationship with her. Once you succeed in that, she will automatically turn around from being a jealous daughter-in-law to a friendly one.
# Think about your grandchildren
Your husband and you must have been dreaming about your grandchildren for some time now. You may have even kept a few of your son’s old clothes aside for them. But can you have grandchildren without having your daughter-in-law? You need to remember that your daughter-in-law will play a significant role in your relationship with your grandchildren.
Her jealousy could have a negative impact on your grandchildren. If your daughter-in-law hates you, the grandkids wouldn’t be close to you. She may prevent them from meeting you or say bad things about you to them. Think carefully before jeopardizing your relationship with her.
# Get to know her before you call her a jealous daughter-in-law
Even though you’re firm in the fact that you’ve noticed the signs you have a toxic daughter-in-law in her, do try to give her the benefit of the doubt at some point. Jealousy arises when there is a sense of insecurity between two parties. This usually happens when there is a wall between you and your daughter-in-law. If you think you have an estranged son due to a jealous daughter-in-law, then not letting her in could make matters worse.
Try to see that she is also adjusting to a new marriage, and during that process, she will inevitably make some mistakes. Not knowing each other at a deeper level usually results in misunderstandings and your jealous daughter-in-law starts creating misunderstandings between your son and you. In order to avoid such things from happening, try to get to know her instead of assuming things about her based on what others say. Make your own judgment and try to act on it.
# Give space and set boundaries to avoid daughter-in-law issues
Twenty-first-century couples are about building a family of their own and spending limited time with their in-laws. They are there for you but don’t expect to see them every weekend. These aren’t signs of a controlling daughter-in-law who hates you. It is better to set some boundaries between you.
Like you wouldn’t want her to interfere in your life, she wouldn’t want you poking your nose into her matters too. Wanting her own space doesn’t make her a daughter-in-law who alienates family. Be happy with the weekend visits and be proud that your son has his own home to look after now. Your relationship with your son will remain intact and your daughter-in-law will appreciate you for respecting their privacy.