6 Barechestendess Rules To Follow

A point all on its own that I didn’t think needed ANY explanation. But, I feel like it is now time to explain a certain point about barechestedness that I may have been negligent in sharing, and perhaps led some men down the wrong path.

Yes, there is something so amazing and comforting about having a bad or long day, and laying down on your man’s bare chest at night. Like finding home, when you love a man, laying your head on their chest is awesome.

But, that doesn’t necessarily mean that barechestedness, in general, is something that women can’t get enough of. We can.

# Your love handles are anything but lovely

If you look like you have an inner tube stretching around your midsection, then it isn’t a good look to run around without a shirt on. You might think there is a double standard and that only guys stand around judging, but girls can be even more vicious. Trust me.

# Your breast size is bigger than ours and calls for a manzier

If you should be wearing a jogging bra, then I don’t care if you have six-pack abs, save them for your significant other. We don’t all want to see the boy’s “girls.”

# You’re so pasty white your skin looks translucent

If you look like a science experiment gone wrong and all your veins look like they are on the outside, keep your shirt on, dude. Pasty white is one thing, which is bad enough, translucent makes you look more like ET. Hit the tanning beds or spray tan it up before you expose yourself.

# You are skinny enough to be an extra for the Walking Dead

And not the hunky guys, the actual walking dead. If you don’t watch the Walking Dead just picture someone who hasn’t eaten in like, well, ever. If your chest is concave, then it is time to leave the shirt on until you can fill in the holes.

# You’re incredibly moley

If your body looks more like a dot-to-dot kids page then keep your shirt on. Not only do you have to be more careful about skin cancer than the rest of us, but if there is a hair coming out of one and you don’t know it, that is almost puke worthy.

# Your chest hair resembles a seventies living room all shag, get it?

I used to lay on my shag carpeting as a kid. I promise you one thing, it didn’t smell or look good. Unless you want to endure waxing, reserve yourself to cover up the rug and save it for the one you love.