6 Healthy Relationship Boundaries To Strengthen Your Bond

Setting healthy boundaries in a relationship means you can make decisions that benefit you and decisions that mean progress for you. Without feeling as though you’re being selfish, you’ll be able to convey to your spouse what kind of space you need to be happy.

For instance, there aren’t any hard and fast rules when it comes to how much you can handle your partner’s phone. You could pick it up if you see it beeping while they are in the washroom, but going through the phone to check messages might not be the best thing to do.

Sometimes, partners don’t understand that sharing has boundaries too. You can not go all out and share passwords and toothbrushes. When one person starts feeling suffocated and disrespected because of the constant intrusion, that’s when the healthy boundaries come in.

# How digitally intimate are you going to be

Are you the Instagram PDA kind? Does your partner bombard you with notifications where he has tagged you and 49 others in a post about your relationship? Maybe you are the one into constant sharing cute selfies of your partner but your partner might not be.

Before opening up your relationship for the virtual world, set boundaries if both of you are okay with it. Perhaps your partner does not want to peddle the relationship to the masses.

Or you do not want your relatives or colleagues to berate you about your love life, just in case you’ve got nosy relatives or coworkers. Whatever the reason, you need to be clear about the limits. Talk about things you can and cannot share online about each other. You know what they say, once it’s on the internet, it’s always on the internet.

# Communication is important, but how often?

Adulting with a full-time job and a relationship can be time-consuming. Maybe you like constant communication throughout the day, perhaps a simple “Thinking of you” with an emoji fits the bill for you. Or maybe you like your job and would like no distracting texts while you work. Maybe your partner is the kind to call you at lunchtime because s/he wanted to listen to your voice.

Knowing what and how much to communicate should be one of the boundaries couples must enforce. Do you want your partner to check in on your girl’s night out? Or do you call several times when he is out of town at a business conference?

# Names you can call each other

Is cutie-patootie too cringy for you? Can you call each other babe in front of your friends? Or would you rather your partner stick to your real name? Communicate and decide the names you are allowed to call each other.

Most couples give sexy nicknames to each other and end up doing a lot of silly things that they feel are endearing. But if you end up assuming that your partner likes them as much as you do, you might be inviting trouble. You cannot really call your partner by your given nickname in front of his colleagues, can you?

# Talk about the family

If you and your partner have been together for some time, chances are s/he knows about the familial problems you may have. If yours is a budding romance, however, new relationship boundaries such as not discussing the family at length might be a good idea.

It is healthy to set a boundary about how you talk about each other’s family. Is calling her mother “a judgmental shrew” taking it too far? Or is communicating a lot with one of his cousins not pleasing him? Make things clear to your partner about what you like and what you don’t so that they wouldn’t suddenly lash out once it gets too much.

# What kind of commitment do you want?

Are you still window shopping for the perfect partner? This kind of boundary has to be set, especially if you are both unsure if you are the one for the other, or if you have just begun dating. The sooner you define the relationship, the better it will be for you.

For example, if you’ve defined your dynamic as a casual one, you wouldn’t really expect your partner to call you every hour of the day, right? And if they do, you might start to feel the need to set up a couple of boundaries. The types of boundaries in relationships don’t revolve only around a water-tight monogamous dynamic.

# Boundaries with the exes

Are you not cool with your partner’s ex calling him/her at midnight? How often do they communicate with each other? If they are still good friends, is it okay for them to go out for an occasional lunch once in a while?

Boundaries with exes is always a tricky thing. Ideally, being incommunicado with an ex is ideal, but it’s not possible many times. As a rule of thumb, the moment you start feeling insecure about how much your partner is in touch with an ex, it’s an issue which needs to be discussed.