6 Helpful Ways To Avoid Awkward Silence During A Date

Those first few dates are tricky business, and it gets worse if both of you don’t know each other very well.Thoughts like, “Will he be intimated if I talk about current affairs?” and “Will she think I am insensitive if I crack a religious joke now?” float around in people’s minds all the time.

And when you over-think what you should or should not say to someone new, you inevitably invite in unbearable lulls in the conversation.But remember, you are not alone when it comes to cautious colloquy on a first date. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you can’t help but feel hot under the collar as your wriggle your sweaty toes uncomfortably, all you have to do is fill in the blanks with these great suggestions and you will never have to worry about dreaded awkward silences again.

# Skirt controversial topics

As passionate as you are about wanting to see the destruction of the financial system, or think that all women should have the right to be pro-choice, or even if you think that the president is a douche *or not*, save controversial topics for when you get to know your date a little better.

For all you know, he or she may be heavily invested in hedge funds, be completely against abortion, or by a twist of fate is related to the president.

In general, steer clear from conversations that may lead to one person taking a firm stance against the other. As healthy and fun as a passionate debate may be, you may want to take the pressure out of your first date and save it for when you can garner a little more information on the person. The only thing worse than awkward silences during a date is to get walked out on midway through your scallop cerviche.

If you happen to land on a sensitive and controversial topic and realize that your date is a little touchy-feely about it, sidestep the issue and say something like, “Well, how about we save that little powwow for later and focus on this instead?” . Follow up by throwing in a random yet witty bit of information on anything that tickles your fancy and see where the conversation leads to next.

# Skirt the past as well

You should also remember to avoid talking about the past, unless they bring it up, of course. Trying to weasel information about why your date’s last relationship failed, or why they are no longer on speaking terms with their parents is not exactly something to focus on when it comes to date number one. Questions like these will undoubtedly lead to awkward pauses.

Diffuse the situation by turning the subject to yourself instead. If you have no qualms speaking about your past, do it, but remember to stick to happy memories and avoid the boohoo bits.

Turn the conversation to yourself and lead it to something different with a line like, “Well, I for one do not have a great relationship with my mother, but she used to make these amazing coconut cookies, and as a kid it reminded me of the beach. Do you enjoy spending time by the ocean?”

# Acknowledge the silence

You will be surprised at how well honesty can work in an awkward situation. Slice through the tension with an honest response in a comical voice like, “Well, that was awkward, let’s try and avoid that, shall we? It’s a little too early for quiet time.” Follow up with a new topic of conversation completely unrelated to what you were previously gabbing *or not* about.

# Siblings and friends

When you are speechless and feel cornered conversationally, kickstart a topic related to siblings and friends. Most people feel comfortable speaking about the people closest to them as it is classified as non-threatening territory.

Whether it is talking about backpacking Europe with your college roommate, or attending your nephew’s retro-inspired first birthday bash, you will be able to dig up a myriad of random conversation starters by sorting through your mental Rolodex of friends and siblings.

Say something relatable and non-threatening like, “I have a four-year old niece who wants to be a nurse and you will not believe the things she makes her parents do during playtime. When I was her age I wanted to be a paleontologist. What about you?”

# Travel anywhere special?

Talking about our big, beautiful world is a surefire way to start a wonderful gab fest. Ask your date about where they have traveled to and what they found most inspiring about these places. Follow up with witty tales of your personal travels, the people you met, the things you ate, and the sights you got the chance to witness.

Even the most worldly traveler will not be able to resist hearing about your experience eating a fried scorpion in the back alleys of Siem Reap. If your date has not traveled much, ask them, “Well, let’s just say you get to drop everything right this minute and go off on an adventure. Where would you go and why?”

# Ask about achievements

People love talking about themselves. Personal experiences that encompass failures and achievements mold a person into what they are and most of the time, people are not shy to speak about what got them to where they are. Even if your date is only doing so-so career wise, they will undoubtedly have something to say about what they are doing, their career aspirations, horrible bosses, and so on.

If speaking about work is not something either of you want to touch on, ask your date about something you know they are good at such as, “Janine told me you are a great chef and a master at Thai cuisine. What made you pick up cooking?”