6 Important Things To Consider When You Are Dating For Marriage

Undoubtedly, dating is a lot of fun. The initial phase of getting to know a person is especially charming. You both play love games, gauge and tease each other, and if all goes well, you soon become a ‘couple’ doing very ‘couple-like things’ such as going on holidays, celebrating together, living in, etc. But when you start dating for marriage, the rules of the game change dramatically.

In an ideal world, dating should be an organic process. Just like you enter the gambling den not knowing if you will hit the jackpot, you enter the dating ring hoping to strike relationship gold. You meet someone, the bells start ringing, you are curious about him or her, and all of these steps set the romantic ball rolling.

# If your message lacks clarity, you will face issues

The first thing to be prepared for relates to communication. If your message to your potential date lacks clarity with regards to your goals, you will end up causing a lot of confusion. Make it clear right from the beginning that you are looking for a long-term relationship and not a casual fling.

Being candid about your expectations while searching for a life partner will not only reduce disappointments but is also the safety net that you provide yourself and the other person with. More importantly, you save time by not chatting or getting close to someone who may not share your desires to settle down.

# Be mindful of rejection

This is something you must be prepared for when you are dating for marriage. You may be clear about your goal for a long-term relationship but does your beau also share them? It is also possible that they may be initially willing to consider marriage but they may change.

They may begin to want different things. So be prepared for disappointment and disillusionment. Every relationship follows a trajectory that is impossible to predict when it begins. So when one partner starts being desperate to get married and the other wants to take his or her own time, conflict is inevitable.

# Know that there are all kinds of people on social media

If you are dating for marriage and decide to seek the social media route, be prepared to meet all kinds of people. Not everyone will be as well-intentioned or honest or sincere as you. So be careful of what you put out there. Don’t be naïve.

The internet is a vast place that houses all sorts of men and women – some are good, others are bad and the rest are well… strange! Be careful of what you reveal about your intentions and goals. Even if you are seeking marriage, be careful of how you want to word your profile.

# Be flexible in your mental checklist

It is neither possible nor practical to ask someone to not have expectations. You will have certain pressures and boxes to tick off when you start dating for marriage. But it is not healthy to have too many boxes on the checklist.

The idea is to be flexible and amenable to tweak the list as and when the situation progresses. You may have a certain vision for Mr or Ms Ideal in your head, perhaps you will be lucky enough to find someone to date who is close to that vision. But as the days go by, differences will crop up. So be prepared for bumpy roads ahead.

# Understand that there are some values you can’t deviate from

This can be considered as a rider to point 4. Being flexible is important but bending over backward to please your beau or make the relationship work (because hey, you need to get married, right!), is not going to help either. Self-awareness is the key.

Understand which values you refuse to compromise on. For instance, if you are not okay with threesomes or pre-marital sex, you should not give in. Even thorny issues that are likely to come up after marriage – having children, career problems, living with in-laws and other things to know before marriage – should be cleared up at the earliest.

# Give it time

Just because you are serious about marriage even when you officially begin dating, does not mean you hurry up and try to make things work before their time. Even if you begin your relationship on the right note, the average dating time before engagement or deeper involvement should be at least 6 to 8 months.

Give them time to understand you and where you are coming from. One or two meetings is not enough to get to know a person even superficially. So do not trap your date with the ‘marry or else…’ ultimatums. Give it time, nurture it, and be prepared that things may not always turn out the way you want them to.