6 Little Steps To Feel In Control

We all want people to like us, right? Of course we do. It’s human nature. But there are some people who are so desperate for love and to be accepted by others that they just let people walk all over them.
Does that sound like you? Are you always doing things for other people and not receiving anything in return? Do you always feel exhausted, frustrated, and depressed because you are just feeling used? Well, that’s because no one taught you how to set boundaries.
If your parents never demonstrated how to set boundaries, or you just don’t love yourself enough to do it, there are definitely things that you can do to stop being used by other people and start having a happier life.

1. Explore what makes you feel good
Believe it or not, some people are so busy giving, giving, giving to other people that they don’t even know what they like or who they are.
I dated a guy like that once. He was always doing nice things for me. And at first I liked it. But then it dawned on me that he never did anything for himself. And when I asked him what he wanted from me, he literally had no clue. He was so used to giving, that he never thought about receiving.
So, if this sounds like you, then think about what you like. Then start doing it, or asking other people to give it to you too.
2. Determine what doesn’t make you feel good
Just like my ex-boyfriend didn’t know what made him feel good and what he wanted, he also didn’t have an awareness of what he didn’t like.
I know that might sound weird, well, at least it does to me. But maybe it doesn’t to you. So, you need to explore what you don’t like. And then stop doing it. And tell other people “no” if they ask you to do something you don’t like.

3. Think about what causes you stress
I absolutely cannot handle stress at all. It literally manifests in my body, and I can’t handle it. That’s why I work very hard to put plans into place in my life so I minimize stress as much as possible.
So, if you are too stressed because you are doing things you don’t want to do, or maybe you think you should do them to please other people, then stop doing them. Or at least plan better so you aren’t so crazed all the time.
4. Be self-aware
Like I said earlier, my ex-boyfriend didn’t know what he wanted or needed. But that’s because he lacked self-awareness. He literally couldn’t look within himself and figure anything out. I’m not saying it’s easy, because for some people, it’s not. But you have to try. Having an awareness of who you are will help you learn how to set boundaries.

5. Communicate clearly
Ironically, I sometimes think I’m communicating something very clearly to people, and it ends up that I’m not.
I once said to a boyfriend I was trying to break up with, “I shouldn’t be a priority for you.” What I really meant was, "You're not my priority, so don’t make me one either. I am breaking up with you.” But what he heard was, “Okay, you can make me a priority if you want."
6. Be direct with your words
Men and women tend to speak differently sometimes. Men don’t pick up on subtlety and clues. They have to have it spelled out for them.
So just as you have to speak and communicate clearly, you also have to be direct. Instead of saying, “I’m really tired, so I don’t think I can go out with you tonight,” say, “I am not going out with you.” Period. The end. The first one leaves it a bit open-ended so the other person can try to overstep the boundary and convince you to come out when you don’t want to.