6 Little Steps To Help Narcissist Change Their Behavior

We’re not going to sugarcoat this for you, and here’s the harsh truth dating a narcissist is the absolute worst.

In their perspective, nobody else is worth a fraction of their time and energy but them. You’re practically living in their world, even if it takes two people to be in a relationship with each other.The honest truth is that dating a narcissist is similar to dating a wall. You like them, and they use you. Period.

People don’t normally change, and we all revert back to our natural tendencies, but that does not doom a narcissist to their narcissistic ways eternally.One of the key elements to change is recognizing what needs to be changed, and acknowledging it from within. But that is true for all of us.

# Introduce the concept of empathy

The main reason a narcissist acts and feels the way they do is because they never learned the basic human emotion of empathy. Empathy is not something that you are born with. You are taught empathy through modeling and relationships with other people.

When you’re dating a narcissist, the concept of empathy is basically uncharted territory for them. They’re either unable to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, they don’t know how to, or they don’t want to.

So, to be fair, if they don’t understand how anyone feels but themselves, then it isn’t easy to care about anyone, is it? They simply don’t get anyone else’s feelings.

The good news is that you are never too old to learn to empathize. For the narcissist, it will not come naturally. You need to make them understand exactly why empathy is such a big deal and how it can benefit them to empathize.

If they can just learn to have a little empathy, maybe there’s hope after all.

# Challenge them

The narcissist does not like to be challenged. They operate by thinking they are smarter, more cunning, deserving and far more important than anyone else.

Not used to people challenging them, if you stop letting them get away with thinking they are queen or king bee and challenge them to examine who they really are and their importance in the world, it could bring them down a notch. Remember what we said about narcissists tending to manipulate or control people?

If you’re aware of these tendencies and you don’t let them go away with it, that’s how you can get a narcissist to change their ways possibly.

Don’t always give in or acquiesce to what they say. Do question them, but also, look out for yourself. In time, and maybe with some desensitizing to their ego, they just might stop considering themselves so much better than everyone else.

# Disallow name calling and insults

One of the cornerstones of the narcissistic personality is to use intimidation and name-calling to make themselves feel superior. It isn’t just about being out on the playground, when fighting with a narcissist, they hurl insults at you and call you names.

You need to disallow this at all costs, and this is where setting firm boundaries come into significance. If there are ground rules or boundaries, it’s unlikely they’ll keep insulting you with name-calling. But, if you put down an ultimatum and draw a line in the sand, be ready to walk if they cross it by saying ugly things or trying to manipulate you by being verbally abusive.

Abuse is simply a big no, and it doesn’t matter how much you walk away. The moment there’s any form of abuse, walk away. No, run, as fast as you can. [Read: 16 subtle signs a narcissist is abusing you and using you already]

# Only take responsibility for the things truly your fault

The narcissistic personality is excellent at not taking responsibility for anything. If you want to continue dating a narcissist, only take on the responsibility of things actually your fault. Refuse to allow them to put things off on you.

This is also why they love playing the victim and feeling sorry for themselves, just to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. A narcissist will never say sorry and if they do, it’s often a manipulation tactic to switch the blame. If you feel like their stories don’t line up right and their version is not true, refuse to accept it. Stand your ground.

Once they see you can’t be confused and manipulated by lies and mistruths, and are guided only by what’s factual, they just might start to see what part they play in your life.

# Don’t react to their outbursts. Walk away.

When you do challenge the narcissist or try to go against their beliefs, they will not be happy. Often, they overreact with angry bursts or intimidation. If an argument with them becomes an attempt to shut you down, refuse to take it, and walk away.

People make a common mistake when dating a narcissist: constantly letting them get away with every outburst and tolerating each one, thinking they’ll change. Of course, it really is possible for them to change their ways, but not when you keep tolerating their behavior.

Instead of allowing the narcissist to control you, you have to instill the fear in them that you’ll walk away and leave if they try to manipulate you, and don’t hesitate to let them see that.

After you walk away enough, they stop stamping their feet to get what they want. And they might actually have a conversation like a real-life grown up.

# Refuse to be gaslighted

Narcissists do something called “gaslighting.” When confronted or blamed, they take everything out of their arsenal from the past, from your past, hell, from anywhere, to throw lies as facts at you to confuse and set you off balance. By the time they’re done, you are so turned around, you don’t know which side is up.

If you want to continue dating a narcissist, refuse to let them throw in everything including the kitchen sink. Gaslighting is the most common manipulation tactic that narcissist love using, and they’ll continue using it on you if you let them.