6 Negative Effects Of Divorce On Children

How you deal with divorce has a great deal of bearing on how your children may deal with it. Children have amazing coping mechanisms. If they are taught the right coping mechanism and tools, and cared for during this time, they will sail through it all.

If you and your spouse have come to a point in your marriage where differences seem irreconcilable, before deciding to call it quits, you must factor in impact of divorce on children. This is not to suggest that you continue staying in an unfulfilling or unhappy marriage. But that you and your soon-to-be-ex spouse need to come up with a plan to make this rocky transition as smooth for the kids as possible.

# A new normal

A divorce is usually a time filled with anxiety, confusion, frustration and multiple changes for children. Couples are faced with the ramifications of young children and divorce as well as a struggle to cope. Divorce is about letting go but that process is just not easy. It brings too many challenges and emotions that are left to be dealt with.

# Dealing with one parent

More often children who may have grown up with both parents find it hard to adjust and cope with single parent/custodial parent after the divorce. As they adjust to the new normal, they have fractured relationships with the custodial parent, mostly mothers.

Sometimes this parent, who is going through a divorce, may not be able to deal with the child’s reaction to the divorce or give them what they need to accept this unpleasant reality. How to explain divorce to a child is harder than we think.

# A major stressor

When dealing with divorce and children, you have to factor in the stress multiple changes and adjustments can trigger in their young, impressionable minds. With one custodial parent and another living away, the child comes to view divorce as a stressor that changes his or her life irrevocably.

Children of divorced parents are sometimes required to change cities, schools and losing contact with one parent, moving to a new home, making new friends, new neighborhoods, getting used to having just one parent present in their everyday life.

# Spike in behavior problems

Conduct disorders, grades slipping in school, impulsive or rash behavior, delinquency and conflict with peers and with siblings or the parent at home. Sometimes when kids notice that only one parent is in charge and the other is not, they tend to break rules assuming that they can get away with it.

This tendency to act out and spiral out of control can also be a way of lashing out against the parents’ decision to part ways. Divorce and children is a precarious combination because not only the child deals with unfortunate external factors, but has to adjust to internal problems as well.

# Risky behavior

Children with divorced parents are more likely to engage in risky behavior like substance abuse, early sexual activity, use of alcohol and drugs, committing crimes and so on. They are also a high-risk group for engaging in sexual activity before age 16.

Parents’ failing marriage can be one of the common causes of insecurity. Due to this insecurity, they indulge in unhealthy activities to relieve the pressures on themselves.

# Can affect grades

A divorce spells adjustment for parents as well as children. For kids, it is an unusually confusing and frustrating time. This could affect their grades and study time as they try to make sense of what is going on at home and put their studies on the back burner.

Many a time while parents are involved in divorce litigation or the adjustment post-divorce, they tend to slip up and not monitor the children’s studies or help with their studies.