6 Reasons For Emotional Abandonment In Marriage And How To Cope With That

Being married but lonely has become all too common now. In the best-case scenario, as Manjula pointed out, a couple may opt to live together but lead separate lives. But at its worst, being lonely in marriage is the first step toward separation. The story of every not-so-perfect marriage is different but the one common factor in all of them is the feeling of being emotionally abandoned.

A marriage is supposed to be the union of two souls, it’s meant to provide companionship and support during good times and bad. But when your core emotional needs aren’t met, loneliness is the first feeling that creeps in. Emotional abandonment in marriage makes you feel empty from within.

# Very high expectations

Most couples today enter a marriage with very high expectations. A spouse is expected to be a best friend, great lover, caring parent, humorous and intellectually stimulating partner, a successful professional and more. They might possess all these qualities but it’s impossible to sustain such high traits over a long period.

# Lack of communication

Good communication is the key to a good relationship. If your partner gives you the silent treatment and ignores whatever you say, it is only natural to feel a sense of neglect and abandonment. Gradually, you stop sharing important things with him/her on account of feeling unimportant to your husband or wife. The walls between the two of you rise higher as you have no choice, save for accepting a lonely marriage and its repercussions.

# Extramarital relationship

An affair is perhaps the cruelest blow that can result in emotional abandonment in marriage. Unfulfilled desires and unmet expectations can lead you to the arms of another where you seek (and receive) gratification. However, it can be devastating for your partner and only augment the feelings of loneliness in a marriage.

How To Cope With Feeling Lonely In A Marriage?

# Find out the root cause of your loneliness

Some people have a ‘heritable trait’ and they are genetically predisposed to feeling loneliness more than other people throughout their lives. No one can take away your loneliness, only you can. It would be even tougher if you put that pressure entirely on your spouse.

So if you find yourself being constantly low and lonely, find out from a mental health expert if there are any underlying issues at play. Opting for counseling could help you figure out your issues. You will have to deal with your pain, emptiness and loneliness at the root level before you expect your spouse to fill the void.

# Think about your past relationships

If you’re married but lonely, it is important to have a conversation with your spouse. This becomes even more imperative if you feel that your partner is not aware of your loneliness at all. Maybe they have been trying to make you feel fulfilled emotionally but it has escaped your notice completely.

If you have not been able to shake off the feeling of being lonely in marriage, probably it’s due to self-confidence issues, low self-esteem or some kind of insecurity. Look at your past relationships. Has it been a pattern? If yes, then the solution has to begin with you. Feeling alone and unloved in marriage isn’t always a reflection of the state of your relationship. It can also be a manifestation of your own issues that you may not have dealt with or even acknowledged so far.

# Is your partner lonely too?

Working through your issues with your spouse may be hard, but if you really think, the alternative – that is accepting a lonely marriage – is even harder. So, take the initiative to find a way out of loneliness and isolation in marriage. To find out the real cause of your loneliness, figure out if your partner is feeling lonely too.

Maybe s/he has his own set of problems in the marriage that you didn’t realize, caught up as you were in your vortex of emotions. If your partner has been dissatisfied with the marriage and acknowledges their issues with it, it is likely that you have relationship problems that you have been ignoring.