6 Reasons Why Some Marriages Ultimately Fail

No one ever imagines themselves divorced. It’s the kind of thing we always think will happen to other people, but never to ourselves.

When love is the most incredible feeling in the world, and so much effort goes into pursuing, building, and caring for the ultimate relationship with our soulmate, how then do so many couples still make the mistakes that lead to divorce?

In this article we discuss everything you need to know about divorce: the reasons people get divorced, why divorce can sometimes feel like it’s inevitable, and the signs to look out for to see whether or not your marriage can be saved.

We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.

# Marrying for the wrong reasons

If you marry for the wrong reasons, how can you honestly expect the marriage to be a success?

Sadly, many people think differently. Maybe they don’t even think at all. Or maybe, they go into a marriage thinking their reasons are good enough to make a go of it.

But the reality is if your marriage is not made out of mutual respect, shared goals and compatibility, much less real and enduring love, your marriage is going to fail.

# Losing yourselves in the marriage

Codependency is never a good thing for any relationship, much less a marriage.

When two people are so intertwined and dependent on each other, they fail as individuals, therefore failing as a couple.

According to world-renowned shaman Rude Iande, codependency is “the most recurrent and terrible of patterns which can exist in a relationship.” It is when two people play two very distinct roles of the “needy” and the “savior.”

Marriage doesn’t require you to give up who you are. It’s about two complete individuals building a life together.

# Extreme incompatibility

I’ve always believed that the success of any relationship or marriage boils down to one thing:

The relentless decision to keep choosing each other, every day, despite differences and life’s difficulties.

After all, love is not a feeling. It’s an active choice.

Your biggest mistake is marrying someone and expecting them to be perfect. When you think like that, you’ll always be disappointed. But when you marry someone and accept that they’re human—with flaws, baggage, and history, then you’ll be more willing to compromise.

# Lack of commitment

Studies also show that one of the main predictors of divorce is a lack of commitment.

But what does commitment even mean nowadays when relationships seem so expendable?

It’s easy to say that “I’m committed to this marriage” when things are nice and comfortable. But married couples need to understand that commitment goes deeper than that. It’s about taking active steps to keep the marriage going forward.

Commitment is doing what it takes to make a marriage work. So a lack of commitment is an act that disregards and disrespects not only your partner but the marriage itself.

# The timing wasn’t right.

A lot of people marry before they’re truly ready. Unplanned pregnancies and societal pressure for example, play a part.

But research suggests that timing plays a huge factor in a marriage’s success.

According to sociological researcher Nicholas Wolfinger, there is a “window” for the perfect time to get married—between 28 and 32.

# Financial problems

Financial problems don’t just create problems materialistically, it also creates emotional problems.

A survey conducted by Ramsey Solutions indicates that money problems are the second-biggest reasons for divorce, next to infidelity.

The problems are commonly caused by starting the marriage while on debt (having an expensive wedding that you can’t afford), financial infidelity, or a wide difference in salaries. One reason could also be having different financial priorities.