6 Things To Keep In Mind While Dating As A Single Mom

There is no denying that balancing dating and home life can be a tricky task for anyone, let alone a single mom. Raising my son on my own, I learned a few tricks and many valuable lessons throughout the years that helped me survive the dating world.

We all have busy lives, and having children only adds to that. They have soccer practice, piano lessons, school, school projects, homework, laundry, they need to eat… the list is endless. When my son was younger and my friends and family started saying, “You should get out there and date!” I would simply say, “I don’t have any time to date.”

Between work and my son, there didn’t seem to be any time for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son more than anything and I have loved taking care of him and spending time with him, but that meant no time for me, or so I thought.

# Let go of the guilt

There is no need to feel guilty about dating. You deserve love too! You give love without hesitation, and it is up to you to allow yourself to receive love back. If you are anything like me, you may have family members, like your mom, for example, telling you that you should be home with your children, not out “running around” *that’s the term my mom liked to use.* Forget about all those negative comments, you deserve to take time for yourself.

Giving yourself something does not mean you are a bad mom but quite the opposite. It will show your children that valuable lesson that took me far too long to learn: the person you should love the most is yourself. Only then, can we truly give honest love to anyone else, including our children. While you’re at it, indulge in getting something that’s solely for yourself, like a new dress or shoes for your date?

# I recommend not introducing your children to everyone you date

Let’s face it, it may take a few lemons before you find the love of your life, I know it did for me. When I first started dating, I would let my date pick me up at home, only to be followed by the inevitable question from my son the next day: “Who was that, mommy?”

After fumbling for an explanation a few times, I learned that it was much better not to introduce my son to who I was dating. So I decided to meet with my date in a neutral location instead. Looking back on it now, my son must have wondered who the strange men were. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t date much, but those first few must have been confusing for him. Valuable lesson learned there.

# Timing is everything, plan ahead

When you are planning your date, think of something for your children to do to keep them occupied. Have them go and visit their favorite aunt, grandmother or other family member you trust them with.

Ask your friends too, they may want to plan their own date nights and, if they are a single mom like you, may want to trade off on date night. Try this, for example: you have the kids on Friday night or one weekend, so your friend can go out on a date, and then you take your turn. This way, you can have that guilt-free date and your children will be so happy with their activity that they forget to ask, “where’s mommy?”

Planning your date ahead of time might seem like an impossible task at first, but think of it like something you are planning for your children, I am sure you will find the time then. I know I did.

# Communication is key

I took a lot of flak from family members and friends for this one, but I believe in being honest with my son. I think that, in any relationship, whether that relationship is with your children or your significant other, communication is key.

Ok, so there are limits to what we share with our children, but letting them know that you are dating or that you have a social life is perfectly acceptable. I used to tell my son that I was going out with a friend. That was enough and it let him know that I was having fun just like he was. He didn’t have to worry about mommy.

# Step out of your comfort zone

So you love being in your comfy, mommy clothes and spending time with your children. It’s an easy way to not have to face the dating scene, but what message is that sending to your kid? Embrace the woman you are, and remember you are not just a mommy, you are a woman first. Get out of those mommy clothes, put on something sexy and you may just create a new comfort zone for yourself.

# Don’t give up

Once I had let go of the guilt, planned for my date, bought something special to wear and let my son know I was going to have dinner with a friend, I was ready for my first date. It was a blind date. As this was my first date, I had no idea what to expect from a blind date. That was the best part of that date. If I had known what was coming, I would never have agreed to go.

It was a friend from work who set me up on this blind date, and she assured me that he was something special, one who was worth the effort. I believed her. I fell for it.