6 Tips For Couples Who Argue But Want To Do Better

Looking for real relationship advice for couples? Let’s start with a reality check. Have you ever spoken to a friend who’s in a relationship, and has said the words, we never argue? Well, I’m here to tell you that’s a LIE. All couples argue occasionally. The people we’re closest with tend to trigger us the most.

Arguing is a sign that you care enough about each other, and your relationship, to want to be on the same page and resolve differences. And it’s also a way to express yourself and your needs, and be open and honest with your partner.

# Take a time-out before jumping into an argument

Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the heat of the moment, and blurt out something you’ll regret ten minutes later.

This is easily done when reacting to something your partner has literally just said or done. So pause. Take a breath. Calm yourself down first. Maybe go for a walk. Pick this up later when you’re feeling more rational and you’ve had a chance to collect your thoughts.

# Communicate openly, but with love and respect

Communication really is one of the most important skills we need to learn, both as individuals and in a relationship of any kind.

It’s scary saying how we really feel and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, but this is the only way our partner can know what we need, and show up for us in the way we need them to.

# Try and see each other’s point of view

Even when you’re arguing, it can really help to try and see where the other person is coming from. The reality is, we’re all different people; some of us more so than others. We won’t always see eye to eye, and that’s okay.

If you’re not on the same page when it comes to the big things, like commitment or kids, that can be difficult to work through. But the smaller things are much simpler to navigate.

# Be considered with how you say things

When you’re saying how you feel, use the word “I” instead of “you.” This will prevent your partner from feeling attacked or blamed; plus, you’ll be taking responsibility for how you feel.

Instead of “you don’t listen to me,” say, “I feel like I’m not being heard.”

And instead of focusing on what your partner isn’t doing, or what they’re doing wrong, tell them what they can do to help you, or ask them to do something.

# Learn the right way to apologize

Sometimes you will need to apologize to each other, and how you do this is what matters most. Because different people want different things from an apology. Some of us want a grand gesture, while some of us want a simple and heartfelt “I’m so sorry I hurt you, and I’ll never do that again.”

If you’re not sure what means the most to your partner in times like these, ask them so you know for next time, and can apologize in the most meaningful way.