6 Tips To Find Out How Your Partner Feels And Improve Your Overall Emotional Communication

After years of listening to friends vent about their relationships and having readers email me questions about their relationships, one statement always seems to come up. “I don’t know how my partner feels.” Wanting to know how to tell how your partner feels is something I have heard repeatedly from all sorts of couples, regarding all kinds of disagreements or issues.

Lacking an understanding of your partner’s mental state and feelings can feel put a damper on your relationship. This uncertainty can be temporary, but it can also linger and create a gap between you two.

Learning how to tell how your partner feels is an important part of maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Your relationship should add safety and assurance to your life, not doubts.

# Be alert

Before confronting your partner, consider their body language, changes in their behavior, and even subtle differences in your relationship. Have you stopped having date nights? Do they stay late at work? Have they started sleeping in front of the TV at night?

Before asking your partner if something is wrong or letting them know you don’t know how they feel, observe any changes. Can you tell when they’re stressed or tired? Don’t assume you know what is going on, but just being more alert can guide you in the right direction.

# Think about your level of openness

It is easy to blame your partner for not opening up when you don’t know how they feel, but look in the mirror first. Do you open up? Does your partner know how you feel? Could they be hesitant because they don’t know how you’ll respond?

Look at your own behavior before accusing or questioning them.

# Consider why your partner isn’t opening up

Do you know that your partner has trust issues or takes time to process things before sharing? What happened last time they were honest with you? Were you receptive or closed off and stubborn? Are you an active listener?

Maybe there is something you can do to make them feel more comfortable sharing how they feel.

# Express your desire to listen to your partner

Let them know you are there and willing to listen. Don’t jump on them with advice or questions. Simply let them know you’d love to hear about their day. A gesture as small as that can make them feel more ready to share.

# Why do you want to know how your partner feels?

If you are worried your partner is stressed or worrying about something alone, it is good for you to show interest in listening to them. Let them know you are happy to hear them vent and that is what you’re there for.

But, if you only want to know how your partner feels because of your own fears and insecurity, it can be unfair of you to push them to reassure you. If you are feeling insecure about how your partner feels, it may have more to do with your own issues, not your partner communicating.

Look at their behavior. Maybe they don’t say they love you 4 times per day but they do make sure you are all packed for your business trip, make sure the house is stocked with your favorite chips, and that your shows are always saved on the DVR.

These things can show you a lot more than words. Sometimes you just have to know where to look.

# Ease into it

If you want to ask your partner how they’ve been feeling because you are unsure, don’t sit down for an in-depth and heavy conversation right off the bat. Start with something more simple. Share how you feel. Let them know you wish you went out more or tried new things together.

Ask them how work was or how their friends are doing. Take a true interest in their independent life so they feel that you are actually invested in what they have to say.