6 Tips To Help You Avoid Arguments With Partner

Every couple argues. Some do it overtly by yelling at each other while others do it covertly by avoiding contact and conversation. Whatever the method, the result is the same hurt feelings and disenchantment. But, if done correctly, arguing can be a pathway to growth and problem solving. Here are my tips to help you argue more constructively.

* Understand that anger itself is not destructive

There is a vast difference between anger and rage. When someone is angry they need to state their feelings. They don't break things or relationships: That is rageful behavior.

* Talk about your feelings before you get angry

When you or your partner can approach the situation as it happens and deal with it in a safe way, it may not get to the point of becoming an argument. Sometimes things just need to be verbalized, and most arguments can be avoided if your partner understands how you feel.

* Don't raise your voice

It's amazing how issues of hurt feelings or differences can be resolved with a whisper. I counsel partners who are yellers to only communicate with a whisper and it greatly reduces the anger factor in their relationships.

* Don't threaten your relationship

And don't take every argument as a threat to your relationship. This type of emotional blackmail puts the other partner in a panic/flight or flight mode. While you're telling them you want to leave, they may be making plans to find a roommate. In addition, they may be so devastated by the thought of losing their family they can go into a deep depression and be unable to give you what it is you need.

* Admit when you’re wrong and apologize

Apologizing when you’re wrong is one of the simplest and most effective ways to prevent or diffuse an argument. Yet, many of us have a very difficult time admitting fault – this is nothing more than a misplaced sense of pride.

Absolving yourself and admitting you are/were wrong is an incredibly powerful (and courageous) act. Even acts of a profoundly malicious nature can be forgiven if it is sincere. Indeed, we may need to swallow our pride to do the right thing; but if we love the other person, we’ll discover the fortitude necessary to do so.

* Reach an acceptable compromise if possible

As with admitting fault and apologizing, compromising can be an easy yet difficult endeavor. The catch is that both people must be willing to “come to the table.” Obviously, compromise is much easier (in most cases) if the matter is trivial: where to eat, what movie to see, and so on.

An important distinction must be made at this juncture. Not all relationships are healthy, and some are extremely harmful. A quickly deteriorating relationship demands a solution that casual compromise will not bring. This is a situation that requires the intervention of a marriage counselor, therapist, or other expert.