6 Ways To Answer "Are We In A Relationship" Question

Dating someone new brings with it a bundle of emotions: excitement, anxiety, confusion, and happiness. When things are going well and you really like the person you’re seeing, you want to know what you are. Are we seeing each other casually? Are we exclusive? Are we in a relationship?

To some, it may seem wrong to put a label on things when it comes to romance, but it makes sense. We define these things so we can feel secure.

Knowing what you mean to one another, even with a label, helps you have a sense of security. It shows you a bit more clearly how you feel about each other.It tells you how you want to present each other to the world. Defining a relationship is an important step. It guides you into the future. Are you going to meet each other’s families or keep things on the down-low?

# Do it in person

This conversation should ever happen via text, phone call, or even FaceTime. Being able to fully communicate is so important and doing it in person helps you get your point across, really feel your emotions, and read the other person’s reaction.

You don’t want to be misunderstood when you are trying to find out if you are in a relationship. By having this conversation face-to-face, you give yourself a better chance of ending the conversation positively.

# Be clear about what you want

Don’t go in with an ultimatum, but don’t just ask what you are without letting them know what you’re looking for. Asking such a loaded question without offering how you feel can seem like a trap.

Your partner may think you are scared and don’t want a relationship. They don’t know if you think you’re moving too fast or too slow. A great way to ask is by first offering up what you think. Say something like, “I love spending time with you and think we’re great together. I was hoping we could define things more clearly moving forward.”

# Give them time to think about it

But not too much time. They may have not seen this question coming. Some people, particularly those that aren’t planners, but rather live in the moment, may not think about labels and define things like you do. That is okay as long as you let them know how you feel.

Give them the time they need to decide if they want a relationship or want to move a bit slower. No more than a week should be necessary for them to let you know what they want. You may be able to meet in the middle and compromise. But, in some cases, they may ask for time to just procrastinate answering.

They may love being with you but aren’t ready to commit and don’t want to communicate that. They may want to keep you around along with the benefits of a relationship without actually being in one.

If they can’t give you a clear answer in about a week, ask again. Let them know that you know what you want and aren’t willing to settle for anything less than you deserve, someone else who knows what they want and can share that.

# Feel out their vibe

This can be hard to do without a decent amount of relationship experience, but it can help you bring up the topic at the right time. You don’t want to just blurt this out during a movie or dinner. Ease into this conversation at the right time.

If they are telling you how great a time they had with you the other night, you can let them know you always have a great time with them and want to keep doing that but with more commitment. If they are ranting about their job or their lazy landlord, try not to bring it up in that sort of moment.

# Talk about what being in a relationship means to you

Just saying you’re in a relationship is not always enough. Leaving this conversation with that answer can feel like a great relief and excitement in the moment, but by the next morning, you will still have questions.

Are you going to be posting each other on your Instagram? Are you meeting the parents? What does being in a relationship mean to you? Are you fully exclusive? Are you spending holidays together?

# Look for red flags. Are they lying?

Are they telling you the truth and you don’t want to hear it? I’ve been in both of these situations. I had a guy tell me he also wanted a relationship and then pull the rug out from under me because he wasn’t really sure.

I’ve also had a guy tell me he didn’t want anything serious but I drove myself to denial and pretended I could change his mind. Look for red flags that will give you your answer. Do they only see you after 10 pm? Have they avoided meeting your friends or introducing you to theirs? You may already have your answer.