6 Ways To Help Your Partner Overcome An Unhealthy Habit

Due to a variety of reasons, from family issues to depression, your partner could develop some kind of addiction, culminating in unhealthy choices that can ruin your relationship. When this happens, it can feel like your whole world has turned upside down, with you suddenly having to deal with something you never expected. You might think, “How can this person, someone without prior issues like these, decide to do this all of a sudden? Was I not enough?”

It is important, even in the direst of circumstances, to remember that they are still your partner, and you’re with them for a reason. Don’t be afraid to work things out and solve the issues rather than walk away. Your relationship deserves a shot at survival!

# Understand that the issue is not your fault

Everyone makes their own choices, and clearly, they chose to cope in this way. It’s easy to put the blame on yourself, especially over something serious, but it is beyond important to understand that you didn’t make your partner do anything.

For instance, if you and your partner broke up briefly before, they could have turned toward unhealthy choices as a way to cope and escape reality. If you’re back together, but the habit hasn’t been kicked, you may feel guilty. In this case, it’s important to remember that you weren’t even around at the time. It could also be work, stress, or even family issues–none of which are your fault.

# Talk about the issue in a constructive manner

You need to get your partner’s point of view and share your concerns, so you both know where you stand. Fair warning: it may be hard to hear what your partner has to say. They might be defensive, claiming that their way of coping is just different from yours or that they enjoy it.

# Try to suggest solutions you’re both comfortable with

It may be difficult to find common ground, especially if the issue at hand is very serious, but try to work something out. You don’t need an immediate solution that will quickly get rid of the problem. Instead, what you need is a series of short-term solutions that lead up to finally eliminating the habit.

For instance, if your partner has a drug habit, you can promise not to nag them about it, as long as they try to limit their usage. Afterward, you can open up the idea of going with them to seek professional help. The idea here is to take a step toward a permanent solution without being too abrupt or forceful about it.

# Do not tolerate lies

Make sure you stand firm on this, because chances are, your partner will try to lie about quitting at some point. Don’t take this to heart, because it’s a logical human response to want to hold onto something that makes coping “easier.” Your partner may claim to have stopped, but you won’t really know for sure. Make it clear you won’t tolerate lies, and prefer the truth–even if it hurts.

The truth will always be easier to handle than being lied to. If you’re unsure about this, and wonder how to find out if your partner is lying, remember the saying “the truth always comes out.” Either your partner will feel guilty and eventually tell you, or you will find evidence while cleaning up the house, or talking to a friend.

# Know what your limit is

You have to know how much you are willing to do and put up with before you realize there’s nothing more to be done. At some point, if there’s no change, you have to walk away for your own sake. You have to be there for your partner, but you also can’t stay if they make it clear they’re unwilling to change. That’s why you need to be firm with what you can and cannot put up with.

A helpful tip is to stay in a relationship if your partner still makes you happy, despite the problem, but to leave if the happiness has become sparse and fleeting. Another important tip is to let your partner know your thought process. Despite the worrisome topic, your partner has the right to know what your thoughts are, and where you stand. Let them know you’re trying to protect yourself from any potential danger, unhappiness, and unhealthiness.

# Don’t expect change overnight

Carrying over from #5, don’t set unreasonable demands. Don’t say, “If they’re not over this in a month, I’m gone,” because change takes time–especially bad habits. There should be signs of improvement in a month, and even more so in the second month. While there may be times when your partner will go back to their bad habits due to external factors like stress, always take note of the effort they exert to overcome their problem.