8 Tips For Couples To Keep In Mind Before Moving In Together

Are you contemplating whether moving in together with your partner is the right step for you and your relationship? Of course, you should. Moving in together for the first time can be scary and exciting in equal measure. Being in a live-in relationship is not just about sharing toothbrushes with partners (yucks, get a new one); it is about sharing vulnerabilities too.

According to studies, the percentage of US adults who are currently married has declined from 58% in 1995 to 53%. Over the same period, the share of adults who are living with an unmarried partner has risen from 3% to 7%. While the number of couples who are currently cohabiting remains far smaller than those who are married, the percentage of adults ages 18 to 44 who have lived with an unmarried partner at some point (59%) has surpassed those who have ever been married (50%).

# Don’t make it a big deal

Know that moving in together is just a trial run. You don’t need to get a mortgage together. You can just rent a place together. If you make a big deal of it, it will seem terrifying. So, approach it in a relaxed way. You are not doing something you can’t reverse. You are just trying something new with your partner.

# Discuss every little detail beforehand

What are the questions to ask your partner before moving in together? Pooja emphasizes, “All the aspects of a life together need to be discussed.” According to her, these include:

- Logistics like how the household would be managed
- Mutual finances – who will pay how much
- Emotional needs of being with a partner 24×7
- Sexual needs and related issues like contraception
- Social hurdles that could accompany such a move.

# Get insights into their childhood

When moving in together for the first time, it is important to communicate better with your partner. You can ask your partner endless questions, without any reservations or inhibitions. The environment your partner grew up in would have a lot to do with how they will behave in a live-in relationship. For example-

- Do you prefer to do things yourself or are you used to having house help around?
- What kind of examples did your parents set about money when you were a kid?
- What are the issues that trigger childhood trauma in you?

# Allocate tasks to avoid fights in the future

A household involves so many responsibilities, so there must be a clear division of labor right from the very beginning – cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, making all bill payments, arranging for guests if any, must be discussed and fairly allocated as per the availability and skill of each partner. You can do dishes for one week and let them shop for groceries, and then reverse those tasks in the next week.

# Ask them if they are open to couples therapy

You should always know if your partner is open to the idea of counseling (in case things go downhill in your relationship). Couples therapy is not some miraculous cure that will make all your problems go away. Research points out that the success of therapy has more to do with the client’s mindset than the type of therapy. So, counseling works better for clients who approach therapy with the optimistic view that change is possible and are passionate and enthusiastic enough to work on themselves.

# Make sure you don’t get too tired of the sex

Moving in together means being more available to each other sexually, which could work both ways. It could be good for enhanced intimacy but it could also take away some of the charm and attraction that stem from not seeing each other so often. Couples need to be aware of each others’ preferences and tasks must be shared so that one person doesn’t become too tired for sex.

# Rent a place that is feasible for both of you

When moving in together, try finding a place that falls somewhere between both your workplaces. My friend, Sarah, moved in together after 3 months of relationship with her boyfriend. However, they are still caught up in the logistics. While he has to walk five miles to reach his office, she has to drive for an hour. The commute is so long and irksome that she gets frustrated and exhausted. This is affecting their relationship and their fights have increased.

# Take out some alone time when moving in together

Alone time is crucial in any relationship because, in the absence of it, people feel suffocated in any equation. There needs to be a balance between alone time and time spent together. So, every once in a while, take out some ‘me time’.

It could be going on a solo trip, shopping alone in a mall, eating alone at a café, running with earphones on, reading a book, or drinking alone at some bar. Become your own best friend. Find your home in yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. This way, you can avoid some of the relationship problems after moving in together.