Effective Ways To Motivate Your Grieving Friend

It is natural to feel helpless when a friends is grieving the loss of a loved one. You often find yourself in a dilemma whether what you are doing is the right thing to do to console them and even cheer them up. Pointing out the positives and cajoling them to move on may be the first things you feel like doing.

Well-intentioned as we may be, your efforts tend to put pressure on them and may even leave them feeling invalidated. At the same time, their stagnation might give you a strong urge to give up. If you are not willing to give up on friend during the tough times and would like to see them through it, here are a couple of tips that you might find helpful:

* Let go of time expectations

The person grieving may struggle for longer than you expect them to. If this happens, regardless of how frustrating or frightening it may be for you, let them grieve for however long they need.Knowing that you won’t judge them for it and are willing to give them room while they grieve will be comforting to your friend

* Recognize the stages of grief

Most people suffering a loss will go through these stages, often in no particular order and sometimes repeating stages in a loop: denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. Each one of these steps is healthy and necessary. The more familiar you are with these stages, the better equipped you will be to support your friend.

* Variables to grief

One person’s grief is never the same as another’s. Variables include the cause and length of death, the personal resiliency of the grieving person, what their previous experiences have been, how large their support network is and their relationship to the person lost. Be understanding of how this can change their experience of grief from your own or someone else you have known.

* Resist telling them how strong they are

We are often inclined to praise the person who appears to be coping stoically with a loss. The problem is that this may create unnecessary pressure on them. We need to allow them to be human and vulnerable sometimes too. After all, there’s strength in letting your emotions out from time to time.

* Offer the bereaved ways to memorialize

Funerals and memorial services work to give support and closure to the bereaved. We can also memorialize in other ways, like planting trees, writing letters or having remembrance gatherings.

* Ask them what they need

It’s normal to feel you can guess what your friend needs based on what you might need in their position. Because we’re all different, it is best to ask them what it is that you can do for them. If they say “I don’t know” or “nothing,” resist the desire to walk away in your frustration or worry. Just offer your support in whatever way you can and let them know that you will be there when they think of something.

* Continue to check in on them

At the time of a funeral, many people offer help and support to the grieving person. As the weeks and months pass everyone’s lives move forward and they generally forget to follow up on their offerings of help and support. Be the person who follows up. You don’t have to give all of your energy, but your caring will be appreciated and will provide untold comfort.

* Recommend help

There is only so much that a friend or family member can offer to someone who is grieving without putting too much strain on themselves. Gently suggest seeking therapeutic help to give them a special place to cope with their loss.